Roll to Dodge!

[Gilgamesh]

Lurker: 1

As you descend into the eldritch realm, you suddenly realize that it is godsdamned hot, what with it being surrounded by lava.

Still, this does not deter you as you plop yourself into an obsidian throne.

Then you realize something. Kings always lead the armies from the back.

And this one ain't too pleased with you.

[Alan Girm Moria]

I WANNA BE THE GUY

I make like mario throwing the King into the lava.

[Gilgamesh]

Lurker: 4

You manage to toss the king into the lava.

Except, being the king of a lava-filled realm, he has more than enough resistance to being tossed into a pool of molten rock, and pops back out, charging.

[Cu Chulainn]

Since Gil is blind.

Misty: 6

You managed to summon the whole 10,000!...not only that, you managed to summon the other 100,000 troops that makes up the whole army. Unfortunately, they're all out of prana. Your only option is to accommodate the provision of a 110,000 strong army or...*cough* start the biggest orgy this side of Italy.

[Alan Girm Moria]

I cast maximum trolling on the king causing him to commit suicide.

[Roland]

I take a step.

[Nina Lüceanu]

I hire Roc Wrong and prove that the whole army are political refugees and deserve proper accomodation financed by the state.

[Gilgamesh]

(Bluh, Invisible Castle's been down for too long. I'll use another one but I don't think they do results, so...)

Lurker: 6

You troll him into suicide.

Except he was a load-bearing boss. Whoops.

Roland: 2

You trip.

Nina: 4 and 3 (Hire Roc, make your case)

You manage to hire Roc Wrong. However, the byzantine court system takes so damn long to muck and fiddle your way through that the army disappears while you were gone.

Should have boned a dragon for great prana instead!

[Nina Lüceanu]

Once the proceedings are over, tries to rearrange the army.

[Gilgamesh]

(But your armies are gone because of lack of prana. That's what CuChu said. :V)

[Alan Girm Moria]

I use the corpse to bear the load and throw a celebration if it works. (2 actions)

[Gilgamesh]

(IC is still dead.)

Lurker: 2

It doesn't. Lava and obsidian crumble away, collapsing upon you.

[Nina Lüceanu]

I sulk. Then I try taking over the Swiss mercenaries by bribing them with the assets I received from Italy to accomodate the 110000.

[Gilgamesh]

Nina: 1

You meet up with some amiable people who seem sympathetic to your causes. You work a deal out with them; all your money for 10 regiments.

But Swiss Mercenaries don't exist anymore, save for the Pope's Swiss Guard.

You got scammed.

[Nina Lüceanu]

I still want those mercenaries (they're hot) so I run for the Pope's seat, breaking/ignoring all rules of catholicism.

[Gilgamesh]

Nina: 4 and 3 (screwing the rules and becoming pope)

You manage to screw the rules and run for Pope!

Somehow.

Except you only make it as far as Cardinal before your popularity runs out of steam.

[Enrica Mezzanotte]

I try to assassinate a pope's beloved kitty with moe overdose.

[Gilgamesh]

Enrica: 6

The cat spontaneously combusts, exploding in a mass of fiery flesh and gore!

Unfortunately, this was caught on TV and you are forever known as that person who exploded a cat.

Good game, good game.

[Enrica Mezzanotte]

Use the fame I just obtained to make a debut album, "Let us burn with fiery love", and distribute it via bittorrent for free.

[Gilgamesh]

Enrica: 1 and 5 (Make album and distribute it)

Your horrible taste in music shows. Not only do you make a recording that would shame the posing-est of posers, but you strain your voice too much and get laryngitis.

You still upload it on bittorent, where everyone downloads said album.

Now you are a meme, just like that Star Wars kid or Rebecca Black.

[Nina Lüceanu]

I try to write a 5-page long report and study for my exam tomorrow within the next 7 hours while putting off my sleep. (2 actions, putting off sleep and succeeding in preparations)

[Gilgamesh]

Nina: 2 and 2

How prophetic

You fall asleep.

Predictably, you fail your preparations.

[Alan Girm Moria]

I fashion the king's corpse into a car and ride out of the collapsing kingdom. (2 actions)

[Gilgamesh]

Lurker: Double 6



Well.

Uh huh.

You fashion the King's body into the world's best car ever, and, feeling particularly cocky, escape...

By drilling your car downwards, through the earth's molten core, and out into China.

Before you can rejoice, however, you are mobbed by fans who now stalk the shit out of you because you did the impossible, interviewed by old crusty scientists who want to study the ramifications of such a deed, corporate pigs who want to market the interplanetary highway, and so on.

In the midst of all this, Aoko decides to leave you and drive off with your new car. It's a very sexy car.

[Aela Atheling]

I attempt to steal the car from Aoko. Because... Bedwyr is blackmailing me for it.

[Alan Girm Moria]

I fight the power to escape the mob, epic troll face at gilgamesh's disbelief, and try to get aoko back. (3 actions)

[Gilgamesh]

Aela: 3

You manage to catch up to Aoko and her pimpin' wheels. An epic magus fight ensues, with Aoko blowing up the car once she realizes that her spells can't scratch your popsicle shield. Using the explosion as cover, she flees you and your mighty defensive spells.

At least... you can give Bedwyr the ruined scraps now.

Lurker: 5, 1, 1

You fashion swords out of the spines of your books and toss them at the mob, managing to beat them back. Yes, you spontaneously learned how to project swords and shit from your books in this one moment!

You turn your face skywards to epic trollface the GM of this thing, and for your troubles, a flock of birds crap in your face before you manage to even start.

Wiping the shit off, you chase after Aoko, to no avail. That's because she used her possibly-theorized TIME MAGIC to go back in time and erase the Aoko Route from your history before retiring to Morocco with Tohno Shiki.

[Alan Girm Moria]

I sit perplexed at what the hell I was doing now since the aoko route no loner existed.

[Aela Atheling]

Because I'm being blackmailed for the whole car, I attempt to fix it with no mechanical knowledge whatsoever.

[Gilgamesh]

Lurker: 1

Your brain explodes.

Aela: 4

A mechanic does it for you.