Mutsumi(Master)

[Mutsumi]

Mutsumi/"Mutsu-kun"



"So, see me as your average guy,But i got tricks up my sleeve."

[/b]: // Mutsumi Saburo[/color]
OTHER ALIAS: // Muts-kun[/color]
CURRENT AGE: // 16[/color]
YEAR OF BIRTH: // March 22[/color]
GENDER: // Male[/color]
ALIGNMENT: // Lawful Neutral[/color]
OCCUPATION: // Magus, ARTist, radio host.[/color]
[/size][/ul]

[/url]
[/color][/b][/color]

HEIGHT: //5'6

[/color]
WEIGHT: // 53Kg[/color]
EYE COLOR: // Sky blue[/color]
HAIR COLOR: // White[/color]
PIERCINGS: // None[/color]
TATTOOS: // None[/color]
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: // The calm blue eyes of his which shows kindness.[/b][/color]
[/size][/ul] [/blockquote]

[/color][/b][/color]

• Lazy
  
  • He is a bit lazy of Physical work so he's be somewhere else sleeping and can think of an alibi when being asked to do som work, even the smallest favor which is very easy could be a bother for him. But he catches the trust of many.Thou this is one of his personality flaw therefore being a magus suits best of using spells with a distance and devouring without a sweat.
  
  
• Trustworthy
  
  • Yet his kindness to almost anyone would be the common source of people gaining his trust, he's the kind of guy who appreciates any kind of helpor assistance. Making others do the most work possible for him gives himself
  
  
• Artistic
  
  • Mutsumi's got a special pen, using it will make the paper be it's purpose, In example: If h draws a gundam shield the paper will b as hard as the gundam shield, but it's size and shape will still the same, he can use other thigs too, wings for flying, bomb, for offensive explosions, and etc. Being artistic will be his weapon with his special pen that would only work for him.
  
  
• Mysterious
  
  • He is a guy who could not talk much information about himself, knowing the family legend he's determined alone on .
  
  

LIKES: // books, his special pen, sleeping,slacking off, often alone, Marshmallows, anything unique and supernatural.

[/color]
DISLIKES: // Anything that requires much energy,disturbance on his naps.[/color]
STRENGTHS: // Smart,fast-thinker,And it may not be obvious for his appearance and all but he's quite determined to have his goals to be fulfilled.[/color]
WEAKNESSES: // Lack of stamina due to his interest in sleeping.[/color]
[/ul][/size][/blockquote]

MY FAMILY LINE: //
The family line is a rare kind of mages using images as one of their support abilities, Thus The special pen Mutsumi possesses is a replica of a heirloom of their secret clan, The clan lurks in the darkness having the lowest rank of popularity among others. Therefore nobody knows much about it and their generations nor their ability of creating images as well.Their spells are different among most since they are in a low profile clan, and Mutsumi will be the one reviving his family name.


MY HISTORY: //
Mutsumi lost his parents due to an accident a long time now, He discovered the family's information due to the secret books which tells him about the world of witchcraft.He ought to dislike to join but to see the results of the war he's decided to join by will. After the discovery of the whole clan with the book, One day he was going back home this Mysterious man came and talked to him.He did not told Mutsumi his name but asked him to call him that way. He kept wondering why and how did he knew he knows many things about the grail war, So afterwards he was told of being a magus. Taught, guided, and learned to fight by melee in a little. But how did the man convinced him to do all that? The mysterious man asked him, if he wants his own glory/and or his parents back. Mutsumi was puzzled with the question and the results of winning the war. Thus giving him more and more clues to solve his own curiosity to attend the grail war.

As soon as the Unknown man was by his side, he resigned being a radio host.(It was mostly just his hobby and to earn more money.)Which makes easy for socializing only for normal human beings who doesn't have a clue at the war. The Mysterious man had made it clear for him to nearly become a magus with a small task.Fighting him. Mutsumi might had this idea coming because of the look in his eyes, the "oh-so-dangerous" look. Giving his all the time for the battle came at and early morning. The man showed no hesitation which is hard for Mutsumi to think of a next move. He tried some of his spells so the priest had noticed his odd and gloomy eyes seems Mutsumi needs mental support not just pure spell and physical training. As mutsumi casted one spell and quickly said: "When we're done, at least tell your name AND why you are using me!" his opponent anticipated those words because at the beginning concealing everything was done. "So you want to know me huh? Then you'll have to work harder!" The man said. Mutsumi had begun to push his own limits for various reasons.In the end the Mysterious man was pinned down earning Mutsumi's victory for now and so they talked: *Pant* Pant* "You've done very well for now, Let me remind you that this battle is only the beginning and you'll face more dangers up ahead." At and instant mutsumi replied "I know, i know! You kept telling me that. Now tell me... Who are you!" He yelled. The man gave his words by whispering to Mutsumi "Leone Vermillion "just an old guy was told by your parents to look after you and somehow tell you everything about this grail war." then Mutsumi got more confused on how did he knew his parents from before. Leone told "Been a friend of your father for quite some time. And he Was very brave." sudden silence then Mutsumi learned from now on, he's fighting for his parents. And to look for more clan members.

MY GOALS: // To win the war with all i could do, make my own great novel. Find more information of his secret clan. Fight for my parents.

[/b]: // His known spells which has balanced attacks: Trendrills of darkness,Solarflare,Swordpiercer.Defense:Deflecting shield,Ice wall.Support: Wind stalk. are the common things he uses, but he needs to unlock more of his abilities and to discover more of the war.[/color]
Rank: // None yet.
ELEMENT: // Light
EXPERTISE: // Still new to being a magus, but he is a smart guy of improvisation and or making strategies for his fights. Improvement is a need.

MAGIC CIRCUITS: // holds for about 25 Magic circuits therefore contains 7 each. Makes all 175 Pranas.

[/color]
SPELLS: //

Water Burst(Water element)
Rank: E
Cost: 15Pr(casting of 6.5 seonds)
Range: 20m
Effect: Forwards the palm and creates a spell circle in front of the palm while it releases Salt water as if it comes from the ocean itself in a cylinder shape, while attacking the water inside is spinning to and fro while moving ahead. With a speed of 35 m/hr It can slow down opponents if they were to be hit, Small chance of temporarily lowering the opponent's attacks by 10% in 10 minutes right away from a direct attack.


Drills of the earth(Earth element)
Rank: D
Cost: 27Pr(13.5-18 second casting is needed)
Range: 23-35m
Effect: Mutsumi focuses on earth element by raising one of his arm(he uses either way left or right) opening the hand then. The earth starts to crumble and makes holes which the drills will start appearing at an amount of 7 and whenever the magus wants to appear it within the current distance it could be done to. The drills are almost tentacle-like rocks that forms a big needle at the top end. When it all has appeared the top points at the target. One by one they quickly rushes to it with the speed of 23m/s. Agile enough for an attack but it can be dodge by which any directions the opponent wants.



Deflecting shield(Wind element)
Rank: E
Cost: 31Pr(Maybe around 8 seconds of cast.)
Range: Circular shape and the user will be the midpoint distance of 5m around the user
Effect: A circle defensive spell, When hit by melee can entirely change the direction of the current attack of the opponent to the opponent. Does 75% of the attack given back.Mutsumi does not yel fully master this therefore it does not grant the remaining quarter damage from the enemies. When hit by ranged it bouces the attack by the farthest distance of 8m and the least distance of 3m. Only works when it took damage from anything like opponents, things(in example fallen boulders), anyone from the outside.



Lightning blitz
Rank: D
Cost: 10Pr
Range: Any distance it can go but it depends on the spell duration.
Effect: This makes the user run and or fly by in a blink of an eye from anywhere the magus wants with the power of lightning element, But it depends on the time when the magus can use it and if needs to extend the current limit will need more Pr. Mutsumi makes haste by using it and able to go for more distances. He does not always use it for dodging he can use it for offense to get near the enemy for less distance in using his other spells.



Lady Liberty's Footsteps(Earth element)
Rank: A
Cost: 30-40Pr(Requires Use of Special Pen in a normal paper, Lasts for 160-410 seconds of attacking.)
Range: 80m
Effects: Mutsumi uses a paper and his Special Pen in order to create both feet of the Lady Liberty statue from N.Y.C. Casting should b around 20-30 seconds But it is useful on it's range and physical damage. Yet the Footprints are slow as of it's size and shape would be the flaw of this weird magic attack. This is one of the reasons why Mutsumi has the Drills of the earth and or the Solarflare to maybe at least weaken the enemy and finishes it with this attack.

: // Mark Kun/Mutsumi[/b][/color]

[/color][/b][/color]

[/color][/b][/color]

[/color][/b][/color]
[/size][/ul]

[Mutsumi]

So i'm the guy who registered an ditched this website(And i went to ILYA'S bro's webbysite of a differnt rp-ing of images.. SAO I'm not used this way of using lotsd of words, and Obviously i;m not that kind of guy who makes a lot of stories and poets(Yeah very different from my rp character)
Is it OK? To post my unfinished work and i'll be ediing it as soon as i can by tomorrow. And the cousin of ILYA.. Heya there!



Sure i have a LOT of flaws, but i'm really new at RP-ing this way..
If not ok, MOD,staff,sure delete it unfinished ver.

AND i'll be making this complete soon...

[Gilgamesh]

I don't normally make it a habit to respond to unfinished profiles, but it's fine. I don't make it a habit to randomly delete topics in the blink of an eye either. We all gotta start somewhere, and it's better to learn quickly than not at all, right?

Also, I'd edit the topic title to include something along the lines of "Work in Progress" so I know not to eval the character yet.

[Mutsumi]

Oh okay thanks!

I'll just edit it with all i could do as a newbie on this "normal" RP.

I'm not sure if i'm done for now but If i need anything to change please anyone do say so.

And you'll love the sell "Lady liberty's footsteps". Muwahahahaha
Tis the power of art and magic!

Edit:
Wait: Forgot to remove the dark spells and or light element spell.

edit:
Done! Maybe i should do my Servant nows ok? I'll check this as well for any more comments,replies,cuggestions,Rules. maybe.

[marksieghart]

(Mutsumi_servant)
Wait for me master, for i have to fill out that profile sheet of doom.
Which is hard to create essay-like paragraphs..

Wish me luck my master!


lol Anyways Yeah this is still me..

[Sola-Ui Nuada-Re Sophia-Ri]

Hey Mutsumi, and welcome to the boards. I know a different mod answered your original questions, but I’m going to be the first to evaluate you. I’m afraid your profile is going to need a lot of work, to well… work on the board. But let’s get started, shall we?

First of all, you cannot RP your own Servant. It’s highly looked down upon, and basically not allowed. So just thought I’d mention that first, to dissuade a few illusions. This is to encourage actual RPing, and the differences between Servant and Master are generally better RPed between two different people.

Secondly, still in the minor issues, you have a few categories that are still bolded. The information, such as weight, should be to the right of the

[/b][/color] tags. Thank you for that, it helps pretty up the forum~

Also, when you use a comma, in things such as the likes/dislikes section, there needs to be a space after the comma.

Since you plan to be a Master, please detail your command seals in the Distinguishing Features Category.

Your history needs to be lengthened as well. Think of it like an RP sample, and at the very least, I will need to see two decently filled out paragraphs. Remember there is a minimum word count on the board of 250 words per post in the RP. Two sentences is not enough, in any way. Not only that, but also how would Mutsumi discover about the war, with his parents dead and him never being talked to by the Magus Association, considering his family is a low rung family. You mention a few things here in there in the profile that could make excellent stories in his history, such as being a radio host, how he discovered the war, how he learned magecraft without his parents and a few other things.

In addition, your family line has none of the information asked for in the profile template. You need how long the family has existed as a family of Magi, what their average prana is, and generally just needs to be filled out more, just like how your own personal history will be.

In your Strengths you list physically fit, but in weaknesses Lack of Stamina from being lazy. These are rather contradictory. It also seems to contradict the trait of being lazy. Considering he also dislikes anything that requires much energy, I would suggest getting rid of this out of place strength.

Your Goals are also achievable without the grail, as far as I can tell. The goals section is mostly for what he would do if he managed to achieve the Grail in this Holy War. Unless you are intending him to have the grail write the novel for him, in which case you may ignore this.

Now, let’s move on to the actual issues here, in balance.

Your Artistic Character trait: In here seems to contain an incredible mystic code, which encroaches on First Magic. This is also pretty much unlimited spell slots, and an indeterminate amount of spell slots, as well as some of the things you could do with this are rather ridiculous. Considering you could create working impossibilities with this, I’m going to have to say that not only does this need its own spell slot (The pen) as a mystic code but also needs very heavy limiters. Its projection, after all, and not really something very usable.

That’s if you want to keep it, where I would suggest getting rid of it, since it causes some very serious problems. Such as limits, or being Shirou with the reproduction of Noble Phantasms. If you want this process to be easier, you should think about dropping it, unless you have a well detailed plan on its limits and how it will/wont work.

The five spell limit is a five spell limit. In your weapons you list more spells, well you will be unable to use them, at all. Five spells, no more. You do not learn more during the war, and your Mystic Code Pen also likely takes one slot as well, if you keep it.

Element: Light is not a real element, and while occasionally that can be excused, you have no support for this, and no spells that actually use it. So… take a real element, please.

Magic Circuits: For a low rung family this is way too many, and definitely out of hand compared to your spell costs. An average magus has 25 prana. You have over 200. Not to mention we have no idea how long your family has existed, so I can’t say if this is allowed or not. My initial suspicion is that it doesn’t fit at all; from what little I can gleam.

Spells in general: You need to list the elements of a spell, also you shouldn’t have spells outside your elemental field, which in this case is every single one. You also have water, earth, and wind spells, despite showing no association with the elements. Most people only have one element. Cast times for spells are also based on lines, which can be found in the basic spell sticky. Elements also must be attached to spells, even if they seem incredibly obvious. As well your cast time is detailed in seconds, when it should be in lines (They should be stable times as well, considering you can thing of the incantation as a passcode to access the spell, so unless you do more with it, the time to use the same Magecraft repeatedly will be the same each time)

Also, how did he learn any spells at all if his family died at a young age, and he had no Magic Crest, and the association ignores his family, he should even potentially be unknowing of Magecraft, and has no reason listed in his personal history as to why he would avoid this? (This is something you could add to the history to fill it out, by the way.)

Water Burst: First of all, for clarifications sake, despite it being obvious, please list the element. Also this is way too cheap for its effect, and is very poorly described. I’m not sure what it actually does. What is Average damage? And a D rank spell permanently blinding someone? What kind of burst is this, is it large, a bullet, how fast does it shoot, and things like that.

Drills of Earth: Once again, please list the element. Also, you seem to have done things backwards here. At rank B, it would be a longer cast than the Rank D water burst. A B rank is around 7 lines uncrested, and a D rank… one line. Also, once again, this is too low a cost, and not described particularly well. Instant magic circles aren’t particularly nasuversey either. How does one dodge this, or escape from it? A 60 second bind is quite a long time, after all.

Your last sentence also seems incomplete. You mean he can’t miss with it? Because can’t miss attacks in an RP are rather frowned upon. Especially for magi.

Deflecting Shield: Too low prana cost, again, and needs the element attached to it. Also, I would like to know how this spell actually works. Nasuverse magic tends to tends to, Nahash runs along the lines of being explainable as a natural effect. I do not particularly see how this could be explained in such a way. Also, how long does it take to cast?

This seems like a vector control spell, based on the reflection, but here there are absolutely no limits. 75% of any physical attack given back, and you take 25% (Somehow) and nullification of all projectiles? Even Servant attacks and projectiles? Sorry, but this spell is pretty much completely unworkable in its current form, as even its base idea has some serious problems.

Lightning Blitz: Once again, needs the element. This is sadly another out of hand spell. Teleportation is something achievable by Caster level Servants from the Age of the Gods, with support of a leyline. It approaches what is likely fifth Magic (Time), and is not allowable on a normal Magi. Sadly to this spell as well I will have to say no. While Deflecting Shield is pretty much unworkable, this one is not allowed. Teleportation and time magic might not be a big deal in other Verses, but in Nasuverse its one of the pinnacles of Magecraft.

Lady Liberty’s Footsteps: Ok this one is completely out of left field. Once again, you have a spell bordering on Magic. This is pretty much supreme projection, using some special pen that I can’t find detailed anywhere in your profile (Besides the Artistic personality trait, which is not the place to put that), and if it had an effect like this, would definitely consume its own spell slot. This spell is also unworkable, as we frown on projection, since no magus in their right mind uses it, and this is rather… insane. You draw on a piece of paper and summon a Colossus’s’ feet to stomp the enemy? For well over two minutes, when most projection is measured in seconds? Once again, I am going to have to say no to this.

Generally for your spells you should also increase the description of what they do, and look at other approved profiles, as well as the basic spells and templates for guidelines on what your profile should look like.

All in all there is a lot of work to be done with this profile, but it could still come out approved, if you put work into it. I am looking forward to see what you do with it, and I hope this evaluation has not been too discouraging for you. Good luck in round two, Mutsumi~
[/justify]

[Mutsumi]

Whoah, judging from the numbers of words and or letters i HAVE A LOT TO LEARN, so is the whole spells to be "usable" but i'd think of more spells at my imagination because for now they're the best (well i'd always do more and might be better) i could do.

Ok so my servant's profile would wait a little longer, so i guess i'll take some time with just this..
Again just reply back if i miss anything out...


*Craks hands* time to burn the midnight oil lol. About the servant..
So i just create his character and i don't use him ever?
Who uses OUR/MY servant?



EDIT: that servant's an inactive account and saved fo nex time.

and i'll choose of my servant as well but i'll be long time deciing.

Because i'll make sure THIS WILL BE APPROVED!
GO ME!





Update it everyday until i get approval. Still trying hard to think of replacements at the spells and or some other stuff to edit..



Edit:5/15/2011 thinking of spells to use and since the Philippines was on summer, went outing for a while and should be getting ready for this...