Li Shu Wen (Lancer)

[bajiquan]

COME AT ME, BROS! (I'm ready)

[Aozaki Touko]

First of all, you need to come with a spear of your own, it does not need to be a famous one but you need to come with a spear in order to be classified as a Lancer.

Next, No Second Strike NP should be ranked A since this is not Moon Cell and Li Shuwen mastery over it would be rated as the top level that a human could reach.

There is no basis for God of The Spear (Spear Prowess) at Li Shuwen legend as he does not possess such feat of arms as using makeshift spears or taking over someone else weapon, you will have to think of something else here.

Because of class limitation of being a Lancer, you cannot have the Sphere Boundary skill as a Lancer.

This is not Extra, Unarmed Parrying won't allow you to parry blades bare handed without receiving any injury, you do not stop a blade with your hands without consequences.

First wave done, start your work young padawan.

[bajiquan]

And that should be all. Though I moved the God of the Spear NP as a skill and listed another skill, Acrobatics since he had some skill at it in his younger ages... Unless mods deem it necessary for me to take it out.

Other than that, I think I'm done.

Edit: Made a special edit to No Second Strike. Please check that too. I backlogged the Cbox and put down the rank to C+ if that's acceptable. Took off the minus modifier for Agility too, for now...

Question. Could I add in Baji Quan techniques as it stems off from Chinese Martial Arts? Seeing that canon Medea was able to cast spells besides her Noble Phantasms...

[Aozaki Touko]

I see that you fixed the STR stat issue as well and the modification at the No Second Strike NP is fine. As for Acrobatics and Baji Quan, those two are redundant since Agility and Chinese Martial Arts cover those two respectively already, you can add Baji Quan at the description of Chinese Martial Arts if you want and can leave Acrobatics there as well but they won't add anything to your servant.

[bajiquan]

Eh, alright. Just removed them. So I guess we're done. Unless you got anything else to say.

[Aozaki Touko]

Nothing else from me.

Mid Boss cleared.

[1/2 Approved]

[Sola-Ui Nuada-Re Sophia-Ri]

Magic Resistance – Sadly no. You existed as one of the most modern heroes, so magic resistance of any kind, especially when one has no confrontation of it, is out of your grasp.

Eye of the Mind Fake is too high rank as well, and God of the spear should be B+ at best? I just generally don’t like the name of this skill. Because of the general decay of heroics well… there are going to be better people than you with the spear.

Those are the only actual problems as of now. What is lacking is clarification as to how your No Second Strike works. With instant kill type phantasms like this we have to be very wary, so they need a lot of explanation. How does it work? Does one see it coming? Would it work on every strike or does it require an invocation? How does it kill someone?

In F/E for example No Second Strike severs the Servant connection to the Master (Chi blocking, it corrupts the prana flow from Master to Servant) which leaves them to die. However… Such a thing is easily remedied by re-establishing the connection… though easily varies from person to person. A physical link through sex pretty much negates the killing power of this phantasm in F/E, though it still greatly weakens an opponent (And does a lot of damage.) Though I guess on this board easily would vary from person to person.

This doesn’t mean that you are forced to follow how the F/E No Second Strike works, but this phantasm needs more description, especially as a direct effect on the opponent. After that I can properly evaluate it.

If you want to look at comparable instant kill phantasms and their restrictions… See Crimson Flower which is very close to how No Second Strike works in F/E and the dual Blood curses

Though both are somewhat not similar, as Kim has other phantasms and Trystan’s are very easy to activate (If yours is easy to activate, the defenses against it should be numerous, especially if the ability is reusable on the same target) they are as close as I can think of.

EDIT: And change your avatar to one of your character.

[bajiquan]

I think I'm ready... I hope this is good enough.

[Sola-Ui Nuada-Re Sophia-Ri]

Sadly this didn't contain the precise information I was asking for~ Are you saying this activates on every single attack he does?

[bajiquan]

Mmn... Basically, yes. But I added the fact that it can be blocked by magical or conceptual defenses. Just nothing physical. I also added two more Noble Phantasms. One of them, being a reason why he can't ever pierce through magical or conceptual defenses of any rank. No matter how strong or weak it is.

So... What do you think so far?

Edit: I meshed The Breaker with No Second Strike to make another NP. Since Breaker and NSS are sort of... you know, practically the same since his attacks are solely based on muscle efficiency and the Fa Jing theory.

Edit 2: Took out Shao Bawang.

Edit 3: Made a few edits to God of The Spear and just separated No Second Strike and The Breaker again.

[Sola-Ui Nuada-Re Sophia-Ri]

Sadly that’s what I was afraid of. Your one hit kill type attack is too powerful and too non conducive to roleplay for the board. While technically working in universe this has no limits, and would only be restrained by plot. Which we don’t have control over in the lesser sense.

The breaker – Not a phantasm, not really a manifested legend here. Many servants do feats that greatly overshadow this in their day to day training. Remove this.

God of the spear - Change this to agility only

[bajiquan]

Alright. Made my changes.

NSS: I took out the OHK aspect of it except it's basically an anti-human technique. Meaning it won't kill Servants, but it'll kill any human on touch. I mean, after all... Any human that goes against a Servant is SOL anyway. However, it does permanently decrease Servant stats for every hit.

God of The Spear: Made the change.

Hopefully this would do. Though I still hate the nerfing of this. Can't be helped, I guess.

[Sola-Ui Nuada-Re Sophia-Ri]

I would far prefer an invoked kill phantasm rather than a permanent stat reduction type thing. I just dont want the instant kill to be always active, is what I was trying to say.

[bajiquan]

So basically use Ki/Prana as a fuel to induce that effect, yes? That's pretty much the change I made... I guess. So if Li uses this at A rank, it means he loses 50 units of prana from his supply. Right?

If so, is there another thread (that I'm missing) which dictates how much prana a Servant has based on their Mana stat? Because the ones in this thread seems pretty low.

I also added another Noble Phantasm, it's just another Stat Increase one. Hope that's acceptable.

Edit: Is the dice roll system the conversion for this matter? If so, I never did something like this before... A little help, please? ;~;

Added another skill. Also I heard Battle Continuation could be considered as another class ability for Lancers, aren't they? I know it might be in Fate/Extra. But would it be a stretch if I gave Li this as a class ability?

Edit 2: I kept the crippling aspect for NSS, but it's only temporary. But that's assuming if the Servant in question has a high enough Endurance to survive. I made the NSS more survivable by adding something about Prana Burst. Also replaced Spear Master with Prana Burst.