Introductions May Be In Order

[Xenophon]

Rumors updated! April 2
Welcome to the city of Tayrn.

And what a wonderful place it is. The Clergy has a major base in the city center and regularly has donation drives to help the poor. Amalcia has the lowest poverty rate in the world and Tayrn is a shining beacon of society. In five years, the Crown predicts that there won’t be a man, woman, or child in the country without something warm to eat and a nice place to stay.

Tayrn is also home one of the three Circles of Magisters, several wealthy and influential merchants, and the strongest military in the world. The city itself is a nigh impregnable fortress, defended by the most loyal men and women in the world. Wealth flows in and knowledge flows out. Nowhere on earth could be more perfect than Tayrn is.

*spits onto the ground* Yeah, well, fuck that noise. If you wanted to hear a load of bullshit, you’d have gone to a noble and had a nice conversation over dinner and some wine. I ain’t no noble and I ain’t eaten in two days. I had a lotta wine, though, but I drank it all last night and now I got the worst fukken headache. If you get somewhere in the world and remember ol’ Ears, maybe you’ll drop by and give me a silver or two? A spot of wine is all my head needs to feel grand for another few hours.

Don’t look at me like I’m some kind of undesirable. I don’t drink half as much as the King does. I would, but I can’t afford that. Must be great to be king. He gets any woman he wants, as much wine as he can drink, and all he has to do is pretend that he still has some power. Old bastard’s been doing this for thirty years now and he’s still going strong.

Eh, but it’s not like he has any enemies. Everyone in the city knows that the Council really runs things around here, and the rest of the world probably does too. They’re more likely to have put off the façade in five years than to do shit for any of us here in the gutters. It must cost a fortune to keep his Royal Highness wasted every moment he’s awake. I’m amazed his liver hasn’t failed, honestly.

The council? Ah, there’s uh, eight of ‘em. Masters, they call themselves. The Master of War, he’s a soldier. Magic, he’s a mage. Then there’s Coin, Faith, Spies, Crofters, Death, and Justice. Each is basically what it sounds like. If the rumors are true, they only work together ‘cause they’re afraid that the others would fuck everything up given half a chance. Better to share power than to lose it, right?

>>Ears is one of the many dirty denizens of Tayrn you’ll encounter throughout the game. Ears is relatively harmless, and he does have information, for a price. Sometimes, it’s even correct.

>>Other, less savory, citizens exist in other places. Perhaps you know some of them. Perhaps well enough to avoid getting a knife pressed against your back and your cash stolen. Not that I’m saying Ears would mug you, but I’m not saying he wouldn’t. You do what you have to do to survive in the gutter.

Rumors:
The King:
King Jacob VI is a fat, old, lecherous sot. Native Tayrners aren’t sure he’s done anything worthwhile in his entire life. His sons, Jake and Jonathan, aren’t much better. In fact the entire Royal family is pretty much useless. Move along.

The Council:
The shadowy council is where things actually get done in Tayrn. The members are anonymous even to each other, to prevent any from having a hold over the others. If the rumors are correct, everything is decided by the eight members of the council. Outside of that, everything about the council is shrouded in secrets.

The Master of War:
About nine months ago, old General Barthus tripped down the stairs and painted the ground with his brain matter. Not three days later, General Jadiv came riding into town like the Devil himself was in pursuit. He had a private meeting with the king and hasn’t left Tayrn since. Rumor is, Barthus had been the Master of War and when he died, Jadiv got the job.

The War:
Amalcia has been at war with its neighbor, Dirn, for ten years now. Military service is completely optional, but many poor boys and girls are seduced by the promise of adventure and wealth and leave, never to be seen again. The few men and women that trudge back from the front lines are never the same. I don’t know anything about what is actually happening, but all of the soldiers agree that everything went to hell when Jadiv got recalled.

The Jails:
For some reason, the watch has stepped up patrols. It’s almost like they’re afraid of something. Or someone. It’s not uncommon for a dozen people to be rounded up in the night and marched off to the Lastsun Jail, on the little island just outside of the main walls. What they’re doing out there, I haven’t a damn clue.

Raids:
Caravans go missin'. It's a part of life. But there are a ton goin' missing lately, and sometimes people even find the goods. Never any bodies. It's s'posed to be the other way around. Survivors trickle in, but the raiders take the loot. Somethin' bad is going on, I know it.

Cultists:
Some new religion thing has started up elsewhere, talking in strange tongues and speaking of the armageddon. It's all very dramatic. Did you want to know anything important or are you going to ask me about every batch of crazies this city has spawned?

[Rostam]

Not sure if I should be posting this here but... I can delete it if necessary. I've put together an Excel sheet that autocalculates all your statistics for Legend, so you dont need to recount what each char has each time by hand. Of course, I need someone knowledgeable to test it since my own knowledge of D&D is somewhat lacking. Still, here you go:

[Character Template: Excel 2007]
[Character Template: Excel 97-2003]

Explanation on how to use:
Numbers in RED are auto-calculated. Do not click there or mess around in the fields.
Fields in LIGHT RED MUST[/u][/b] be filled out, or else sheet wont function properly.
Any field in LIGHT BLUE is there only to look at, do NOT mess with contents.
Any field in DARK BLUE is 'must be filled out'.
Fields in GREY are misc info that have no impact on any calculations.
Any numbers in BLACK are part of calculations
Do NOT mess with the lists at the very very bottom of the sheet, that's where the drop-down lists are kept.

If there's anything I missed or that you don't understand, let me know

EDIT: Fixed issues with skill/ability modifiers, saves.
EDIT2: Fixed HP. Working on BAB autocalc
EDIT3: Now comes with free autocalc of BAB
EDIT4: Fixed Modifiers for Skills, KDM/KOM now autoconfigure, and added simplifying colorcode
EDIT5: Fixed abilities scaling off of Dex if they weren't trained
EDIT6: One of the abilities scaled off a wrong stat completely. Fixed
EDIT7: Clarified what to enter in Ability Temp field, fixed Skills self-referencing thus doubling actual value. I think thats the last issue.
EDIT8: DERP. Left out the Ride skill. Also fixed HP to scale off Con final mod instead or regular mod. THATS IT. FINAL.
EDIT9: Small issue fixed.

[Xenophon]

Plot Update February 25th, 2012:

After a particularly awesome and/or terrible night, the party awoke to find themselves in jail. Some of the members have more of an idea why they're there than others. Bruce Boozebeard, the dwarf who punched his way out of a cell to rescue his beloved booze, actually has done this more than once.

Ivan Dartmuth helped distract the only guard in the room (seriously that was a terrible plan) while Torn picked the lock on his cell and stole the guardsman's sword. After a quick struggle, that man was dead and the prisoners quickly began to help each other out of their cells.

Unfortunately for Jim Q. Guardsman, thirty five days from retirement, his reinforcements were too slow to keep the two dragons from feeding on him. His wife and infant son won't even be receiving a body to cry over. You all are terrible people.

In short succession, the party had also butchered Jim J. Guardsman, Jim P. Guardsman, and James Q. Guardsman. They killed Kenny, too.

After they murdered everyone in the second room, the party found... everything that had been confiscated (what a Xeno ex Machina. Or Deus ex Xenophon.) Seriously it was a pretty sweet find. Everyone thank Ana.

And then they decided to open the door. This was a terrible idea. No really. Lessie (I'm trying out nicknames for nameless) barely managed to notice the trap before he flung the door open and blocked an arrow with his face. So he stepped out of the way and let Torn take a look at it. And then Ivan tried to help. And then Torn tried to disarm it again, but they had messed with the wire enough that even getting it off the handle triggered the trap. Only his quick reflexes kept his brain matter from painting the ground a meter away from James'.

Of course, then they did open the door anyway. Because traps just mean that there are more valuables behind them, right? Anyway, the Captain took an arrow in the knee from across the room, so Shep teleported inside and started busting faces. Then Jim U. and Jim E. started cutting him. Namey ran inside and smashed one of their faces into the bricks and dropped him to the dirt, even as several of the other former prisoners started taking shots at people inside the room.

As Shep prepared to try and break free so he could get back to the medic, a teal (gayest color I could think of, just for you Fred~) light surrounded him. In the next instant, he was teleported back behind the wall and into cover, and Aaron replaced him in the fray. The Sage stood calmly, projected sword in one hand and an apple in the other. No I don't know where that apple came from or why he has it in the middle of combat. Don't ask.

And thus, the curtains closed on the first session of Legend.

[Xenophon]

Plot Summary March 3rd, 2012:

The party suddenly remembered that they were doing something in the middle of combat. For some reason, it felt like a week had passed since anyone had moved, but really it had only been six seconds. Weird. Just... just ignore that, okay? Time is weird in Amalcia.

Anyway, much blood and gore was had. The Gods What Are must really enjoy fatalities. (Yeah seriously I will stop doing that unless it is ridiculous (like every single goddamn one of Snail's attacks)). Blundaria crushed a man between a tower shield and a rock wall. Tom Hunter blew a man's chest apart with a single shot. Shep punched a hole in a man's face.

I think the party has decided to kill every man in the entire world whose last name is Guardsman. Or whose first name is Jim.

While most of the party was brutally murdering everyone they could find, the lolitwins were busy shooting the ceiling. Fukken ceiling. DIE ALREADY THEY HAVE HIT YOU HALF A DOZEN TIMES. CEILINGS DIE WHEN THEY ARE KILLED.

Ivan quickly realized that his aim is terrible and decided his shotapowers would be better put to use with a sword in hand. However, instead of making it to the guard he was trying to kill, he tripped and fell on his face instead. Luckily, that guard was also on the hitlist and quickly was turned into Orange Julius, ala End of Evangelion.

After the party had vented all that excess testosterone, they waded through the ankle deep pool of blood that had been a floor at one point up the stairs. Boozebeard was too busy being drunk and didn't want to be arrested (again) for Operating Stairs Under the Influence and passed out at the bottom. The others continued onward, hope in their hearts and blood on their hands. Wait. Reverse that.

Davien, the soft spoken MONSTER bro with rubber arms found a hidden door at the top of the stairs and was like "hey guys lets open this and murder everyone inside" so they did. It's okay, those guys were probably named Jim Guardsman (No I am not uncreative what are you talking about).

Bod E. Guard opened the door and politely asked the party to pause murdering because the Warden wanted to see them. In a totally unexpected change of pace, they chose to leave Jim I. Guardsman and Jimmy L. Guardsman bleeding and broken but still alive. I guess they just settled for messing them up because THERE WAS TALKING TO BE DONE.

The Warden quickly referred to each party member by name and inquired about their past in a totally non threatening way (seriously guys you are really sensitive. He wasn't being threatening when he mentioned how easily your loved ones could have an accident! It was small talk!) The party was totally ready to continue killing him, but his name was Phillip Warden, not Jim Guardsman. They got confused and decided to listen instead of fighting. Well, some of them did, Tom snuck down the hallway to get his shooting on but the others were making a deal.

The Warden offered a simple partnership: The infiltrate the political system, sew chaos, and help him become the Master of Death, and in return they get money, power, and all the mahogany desks they could desire. Ezra stabbed him and he was surprisingly unaffected by the whole ordeal. You would have thought that his guards would have stopped her, but nope. Just let her cut him. That's how they roll, yo.

Anyway they finally accepted after the Warden named his terms, then he shuffled all the good little adventurers off to bed before he got stabbed again. Boozebeard and Aeron were informed of what had been agreed to when they finally managed to get up the stairs, but the smacking sounds were too disturbing for anyone to want to go find the dwagons.

It was only slightly after nightfall, so the party was treated to a good meal at the Inn the Warden had provided them rooms at, then given the rest of the night off. The bodyguard that had gone to show them the way politely bidded them all good night, and said that he would be back in the morning with the details they needed for the favor the Warden wished done.

I doubt sleep came easily to any of the party members that night.

[Xenophon]

DOUBLE PLOT UPDATE
WHAT DOES IT MEAN
March 10th and 17th:

Noooo what are you talking about this isn't only a double entry because Xeno is lazy. Perish the thought. No seriously. Kill it with fire I will not have you thinking such lies about me.

So while the party was sleeping, none of you tried to escape. Really. I'm not even kidding here. "That warden isn't such a bad guy," some of you must have thought, "what he really needs is some hugs and more power to abuse random citizens and threaten to murder them and their loved ones. Everything'll be just swell if we can give him that." This is the only explanation for not turning around and running as soon as he let you out.

Or maybe it was the fact that he had a few mages put triggers on the doors, so he would know when they were opened and would probably have had you killed if you tried anything. That could be it. But you probably just want to give the warden sympathy hugs. Wardens love sympathy hugs.

In the morning, a little asshole named Dirk (Is it mean to call a halfling little? IDEK) showed up and said that he was the Warden's man. You all were being tested, and he was there to make sure you didn't fuck things up too badly. If you did, though, he was to cut you loose. Literally. Maybe there was a reason your first mission was on the docks...

Well, there were three warehouses, belonging to the Master of Crofters. The Warden wanted the party to burn them down and make it look like the Master of Death had ordered the strike (they are convicts, after all). This would make Crofter move against Death, who would be totally surprised and strike back, creating chaos and allowing the Warden to step in and take over for the deceased Master of Death. Short, simple, sweet plan. Kirsi and Ivan went to get pitch and torches while Torn, Ashia, and Ana went to scout around the street. Dirk said a few quiet words to the guards on other warehouses and got them to go inside, so there would be no witnesses for the city guard to call on.

The party gathered itself and got ready to begin a coordinated strike: the plan was to hit both warehouses on street level at the same time, since they had a lesser guard and would be easier to burn down, then have the two teams meet up to clear out the larger, fortified warehouse and set it ablaze from the inside.

That plan lasted all of about thirteen seconds before Ezra ran to one of the guards, yelling about how she was going to kill them and burn down their place of employment and SHOUNEN HERO. Unfortunately, she is a tiny mage girl, not a SHOUNEN HERO. Her proclamation only managed to turn what should have been a stealth mission into a brawl in the streets, with the party surrounded on every side by overwhelming numbers. Bob Thug and his thirty-four identical twins were more used to fighting than the guards inside the prison (shut up there is logic and sense and this makes it), but they weren't as well equipped. The streets ran red with blood.

Not really. That'd take a looooot of blood. It's hyperbole.

But there was lots of blood on the ground, is what I'm getting at here. That's what happens when you have fifteen adventurers in a target friendly environment. People get squished and no one is quite sure how they kept that much blood in their bodies when the killin' is done.

Not much to say for that fight, other than it was totally avoidable and boring 'cause there were no special units, only the massive horde of cannon fodder, but some cool things happened. Mainly Ashia sneaking away and bluffing all of the guards on the heavily guarded fortress that it was totally cool for her to be walking around even the restricted areas, while also sending several more guards to fight with the party. Kirsi also did a backflip up Davien, completing his build by adding the fearsome shoulder medic, where she rained death by signing really annoying songs until guards died. I like to imagine the purple medic girl rickrolling people to death.

Dora set the first warehouse ablaze while Ivan turned his barrel of pitch into a bomb and bathed the second in fire. I guess the Dartmuth curse only works on attack rolls, since he can be awesome sometimes. Of course, Ana seems to pass her curse to Tome a lot, since he'll whiff every attack for a few rounds after she pastes a guy with her pistol...

DARTMUTH CURSE! CUTE IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO YOUR INABILITY TO HIT TARGETS!

((This does say something about why Snail never ever misses :V))

Also SUDDENLY ASSASSINS. Unfortunately for them their stealth was ruined by Kirsi feeling the vibrations they make while breathing, and they were promptly murdered. And then more people were murdered. And then more people were murdered.

Noticing a pattern here?

Ashia still kept on truckin', scouting out the areas ahead while the rest of the party fought its way through the last warehouse. The enemy used a large room as a choke point, trying to stop the party before it got into the secret hallway, and the Sages managed to nearly kill Ezra and push the others back, but not before several thugs were murdered. They slammed the door shut, hurriedly discussing how to handle this unforeseen obstacle...

[Xenophon]

Plot Update: March 24th

At the end of the last session, Ezra limped away from the battle, where the Sages had taken her apart, and began to stalk away from the fight she had caused. The others rallied and managed to take down the two Sages, turning what had been an even fight into a route, but the main story wasn't happening inside the battle.

Ivan, along with his dwagon daughter Dora, had been plotting with Kirsi. If Ezra couldn't be convinced to follow their lead, they reasoned, she was too dangerous to allow to live. Ivan smiled his best shotasmile and called the mage girl over, where he began to bandage her wounds.

Among the blood and the ichor, Ivan took his pistol from his belt and put it to the back of the girl's head. He muttered a small apology before pulling the trigger, but he wasn't as fast as he thought he was. She had heard the gun slide out of its holster and heard his apology and she ducked aside, the bullet sailing harmlessly over her head. Ezra realized the trap then and ran back to the others, calling for Blundaria to save her.

The others had just managed to finish off all of the threats in the main building (except Thug 42, who just kind of sat in a corner and was irrelevant), so they were around to hear the screams. As Namesy and Kirsi and a few others poured outside to see what was happening, Kirsi asked Davien to keep Blundaria from watching.

A shot burst from Ivan's rifle, the first attack he had seen strike true. The bullet tore through Ezra's chest and dropped her to the ground, lights dimming as the world faded away. Blundaria let out a single cry as her friend died in front of her and fought her way past, demanding answers.

Kirsi tried to explain, but she couldn't manage to convince anyone of the act's necessity. She was too distraught to keep her words straight. As she talked, the other party members began to slip away. First Tome, then Torn. Nameless tried to convince Blundaria to come with, but she was too busy screaming at Kirsi and Davien, broken by the loss of her best friend.

Finally, Nameless left as well, leaving Blundaria to her anguish and her revenge. She fired spell after spell at the others as they left, until Ivan settled the same gun that had killed Ezra, sighted down the barrel, and shot Blundaria as well. She managed to crawl to Ezra and reached out to her, but the last thing she saw was the blonde staring sightlessly past her.

Ashia felt Ezra die as the True Name altered itself to account for her death. She didn't, however, know why it had happened. There was no going back for her, not in the middle of the enemy's stronghold, so she pressed onward. As she opened the final door, a warning klaxon rang and several guards raised their blades toward her. For a brief moment, they hesitated. A single girl? And no sounds of battle from outside? How could that be?

The last person Ashia had expected to see stepped calmly inside, cursing at the lack of a proper distraction, and cut the target's throat with a single slash of his knife. Dirk had disappeared when the fighting began, but it seemed there was more to his job than he had let on. While the guards stared in shock at the sudden movement, Dirk yelled at Ashia to get moving and they both escaped through the small hole he had cut into the wall. Ashia more or less gracefully fell two stories through the halfling sized entrance, just in time to meet Tome, Torn, and Nameless as they left the others.

They quickly filled her in on what had happened and decided to go their own way, despite Dirk's presence. He was, obviously, less than thrilled about this, but they attacked him before he was ready and knocked him unconscious before tossing him into the nearest warehouse, hoping that Crofter would blame the carnage on him. They went their own way, agreeing that it might be best to leave the city for a time, until things had settled down and the Warden was no longer hunting them.

Kirsi and the Dartmuths loaded up a cart Dora stole from the warehouse and left. Over Worldmind, Kirsi told Nameless that they would tell the Warden everyone else had died to buy them some time to get away. With that, they turned to leave the district before Crofter's enforcers showed up to take care of the damage, stopping only to get Dirk's unconscious party to use as a bargaining chip with the Warden.

As they left with Dirk to visit the Warden, they didn't notice the man sauntering through the bloody streets after the ones who had quit, smiling slightly...

[Xenophon]

Plot Update: Dartmuth Party
March 31st, 2012

Just a short section, short session, Xeno's sick and yeah.

Ivan, Anastasia, Kirsi, Davien, Aeron, and the dwagons returned to the Warden, Dirk in tow, to report the mission's almost success. They told him that the others had all died when the mission turned into a massacre, but Dirk had managed to kill the arms dealer so the Warden was happy. Well, not happy, because he's a dick, but he was content.

Kirsi and Ivan told the Warden not to dick with them anymore, not to send babysitters, and to actually tell them what's going on. He was kind of a doormat about it, agreeing to everything either of them said. Kirsi ended up with his records on all of the party members and a few others she asked for in specific.

As they discussed and negotiated, Ana noticed a strange sound from the hallway... after a few moments, her sharp ears heard the soft sound of steel cutting through flesh and then a body hitting the ground. Not a moment later, a man started yelling about purging this place. When they went and looked down the hallway, they saw a group of Paladins standing around the deceased executioner.

The Warden identified the leader of the men as Faith from his robes, then sent his guards to engage. The party fired a few shots, but the paladins soaked the bullets as they fought to carve their way through the Warden's bodyguards. As the first bodyguard fell without any of the paladins taking significant damage, Ivan decided to cut his losses and ordered an evacuation. The Warden and Dirk came with, leaving the nameless guards to pay for the Title Characters escape with their lives.

The party ran down to Ivan's lair and used a secret stairway to get outside and to the docks, where they then stole the paladin's boat with the intent of stranding them until Death did something about it. On the way to the mainland, Ivan began plotting. The Warden offered to house the party in his mansion, so he's still useful for now. Little does he know, Ivan is beginning to wonder if it would be easier to replace him with Dirk...

[Xenophon]

Plot Update: April 14th, 2012
Also going to quickly mention the 7th, but Xeno goofed and barely anything happened there.

As the Dartmuth party got away from the Paladins and started making plans, the Warden set course for his family's home, hoping the relatively public placing of it would keep Faith from openly opposing him. The party spent the rest of the day there laying low, with only Ivan and Kirsi going out to buy more pitch, a small dingy, and some concealing-but-nondescript clothing...

Shortly after midnight, they set fire to a Church to draw Faith's attention and ire. The priest was barely able to save some of the more holy artifacts in the small temple, the pitch burning too quickly and too hotly for anyone to stop the blaze. The City Guard was called in, but they could only manage to keep the blaze from spreading. Ivan nimbly dodged being questioned about the events and the entire party walked away with the fire in the background as things exploded.

In short, it was really, really cool.

FLASH FORWARD AN UNSPECIFIED AMOUNT OF XENOTIME

CARAVAN:
Johnny: I'm pretty chill. If I were a Ninja Turtle I'd be Mikey. Also I'm rich.
Atrian: Fucking hell why do I always get stuck with these assholes I want to brood in peace! /TotallyNotCloud
Weber: I'm the Goddamn Kurz Weber. I see boobs, I grope boobs, Kirsi has to resist the urge to kill me. WOMEN AMIRITE?

What a wonderful crew to work with, right? You guys picked GREAT. Well maybe it was because Johnny was the only one who would hire an assorted group of shotas and lolis and purplegirls and Monsters and... you get my point. Also Ivan wanted to go to the ocean. So there's that.

Talky was had. Atrian was a dick to Kirsi. Weber hit on all of the females and also the shota. Johnny liked Ivan's idea of using the existing trade routes with the elves (He's selling metals and other things not normally found deep in the woods to them) to buy spices and such to sell inside Amalcia as exotic goods. The two were like schoolboys in a candy shop, only they were merchants plotting to exploit untapped markets. So less innocence and more destroying lives through dirty lending practices.

Of course, all "Good" (can I say that about Ivan? I don't think so) things must come to an end. The end, in this case, was a big ass Troll Bandit Road Warrior John Travolta Super Saiyan Badass. Except Ivan shot him in the face and then gave him a yandere smile and made this Troll wet himself. He kind of lost all of his awesome at that point. He tried to ignore his terror as Kirsi, Atrian, and Ivan discussed how they were going to kill him, until one of his archers called the attack.

Of course, Ivan turned to start shooting the archers that were surrounding them, leaving Kirsi and Atrian to face the hulking brute with the axe larger than Atrian's torso and about half the size of Kirsi's breasts. Tough fight? Hell no his will save was abysmal and Kirsi's Hold Person let Atrian stab him twice without being hit back. The Troll finally managed to break free of the paralysis to land a single hit on the Emo Warrior before TotallyNotCloud gutted him.

The Party went to work fighting the bandits all along the sides, except for those attacking Weber because fuck him. Luckily his guard was so drunk that he became Jackie Chan for a second and killed two raiders himself. Gogo NPCs.

The death toll on both sides was heavy. The Raiders prioritized the archer guards in the first volley and managed to inflict a lot of damage in only one turn, but only one of the focused NPCs actually died that turn. They returned fire at almost full strength, but they were kept busy by the charging line of melee fighters. The party also had to deal with the sword wielding maniacs and couldn't engage the archers directly, which let them pick off most of the NPC support.

Atrian, Kirsi, Johnny, Jan, and Ivan managed to clear the front carts of enemies, though only one of the original guards survived, while Davien, Dora, the Captain, and Aeron fought beside Johnny's larger forces to fend off the main body of the raiders. Unfortunately, the only reason Atrian had had so much success was that his troops were set up to fend off attacks; the more relaxed Johnny had allowed his soldiers to wander, which left a lot of spots in the defense the party had to fill.

At the end of the fighting, most of the party was bloody and wounded, Jan had kept Johnny from dying twice, Atrian was down to 1/3 hp after tanking the archers that had almost killed Kirsi, and Ivan said something witty while putting on sunglasses with a random sunset in the background despite it being midday.

Four archers and one guard survived on the Caravan's side, but absolutely no raider lived through the brief but bloody struggle. In all, the fight had only lasted about two minutes. Despite how much relief they had to feel at seeing the end, no one was quite able to relax.

Perhaps Weber said it best when he looked around and fingered the pistol at his belt. "I have a bad feeling about this..."

[Babel Secondorph]

The date is 4/27/2012


At the time they barely knew one another, but as coincidence and fate are apt to do; strangers found themselves as friends... these were the days of their youth.

"My Precious Thing was not there..." -Canterberry


Our stage is the world's most beautiful bar, and our players a pair of monks, a tiny mage girl, a shadowy young woman with a vacant expression and perplexing disposition, 1 massive paladin, and some kind of mean gypsy novelist.


Whatever their reasons our party yet to be fully forged found themselves scattered about the drinking establishment known as "The Sole Regret".


As bars will be bars before long our strange collection of misers and fools found themselves wrapped up in a brawl with 3 minotaurs seemingly made of adamantium. Rallying together out of a kind of convenient desperation or perhaps good will the three were finally taught the errors of their ways after many arduous minutes of combat.

This ruckus itself caused a chain reaction as seemingly the rest of the bar congregation turned out to be people who would be very much interested in the bounty placed upon the heads of certain individuals of the fighting unit.

Using her excellent logic and problem solving skills, Canterberry made it obvious of her and her new acquaintances' innocence; and the guards perhaps stunned into silence by such fantastic rhetoric ignored her in favor of speaking to Ulric the mountain paladin.

Their conversation was interesting but lost to the sands of time as they might of argued about the idea of authority in a city governed by many claims of authority.

While this was happening Ashia our gypsey novelist and Scarlett the loli mage-pire-thing traded back and forth barbed insults like the best of friends.

The accusers found themselves in a tough spot as some not too intelligent mercenaries decided to attack everyone at once, starting a three way battle over a bounty that nobody was too sure was legitimately in front of them.

The battle was recorded in this poem...

Minutes felt as hours
as blade clashed with blade
and ideal met ideal
and somebody may of used their guts to save someone



And like that the bar became a graveyard as our just heroes of righteousness successfully defended their innocence against the oppressive forces of misguided evil.


Taking a breather before deciding to leave the scene, before any bounties imagined or otherwise might grow, they were called over by a roguish woman bearing a resemblance to Pocahontas.

Offering a job to settle a dispute over questionable goods the more monetarily inclined members of the party were rather cautiously quick to agree as the others shrugged. Like this their next journey was decided with Canterberry imagining she had found a lead on her quest for her precious thing.


Oh they're also level 4 now.

[Spartacus]

5/4/2012 Ren's Run
At the Sewers of Madness
-------------------------------------------------

You all fight it out in a bar, then wake up in a sewer. Certainly disorienting enough to warrant our party not even moving for 20 minutes. Be it inebriety or a permanent smoke break, they all just stood huddled up in a sewer entrance for awhile.

Eventually our spirits of exploration Ashia and Torn Rogue began to fan out with their perfumed hankies. Ashia hung a Canadian left (she went right) and "carefully" explored the right corridor. Coming into an almost empty room she found a journal. In the sewers. Pocketing this questionable item, Torn teleported into her room to check up on her after hitting up the north and partially south corridors. They then began to head out to further explore the south which was the only way to advance.

It also helped that they were the only ones actually prepared for this. Ashia having a magic lamp, had no need for torches. Torn had his handy, dandy see in the dark familiar. And crawled around while hidden...for some reason. Old habits die hard I suppose.

In the meantime, Ulfric shook off his stupor and realized a horrible truth. He was a gigantic man in a very tiny sewer. Not taking it well, he vented his architectural rage upon a series of poor doors. None who stood the might of his boot could survive. After all doors in sight were annihilated, he slowly made to go after our explorers.

So what about the rest? Well Canterbury decided she wasn't even close to being drunk enough to attempt a sewer crawl. Heading back up to the bar she downed a few kegs and came back, ambling along the path. She ushered along the rest such as Tome and Nameless who gave not a single fuck and smoked like an early industrial revolution factory.

Eventually everyone caught up at a fork in the sewers branching North and South. Ashia, wearing the pants in this party today, used an ancient and sagely way of determination. The coin said south so there they went. As they moved forward, a strange echoing sound reverbrated through the walls. They did their best to ignore the strange cries until they reached the end of the path.

Still the haunting calls dimly persisted. "Never gonna Ia! Never gonna Ia! Fhtagan you up!"

Ashia and Torn debated how to deal with an immense series of doors. Ashia suggested Torn shoot it by virtue of crossbows never proving effective as anti building weapons. It turned out to be a terrible idea to shoot metal doors with bullets as the two discovered the phenomenon of ricochet.

While discussing how to advance, Ulfric finally came galomping up. His rage was not yet sated by the meagre offering from before. There had been by far too few timbery foes breaking to splinters before him. Pursuing his allies it finally came to him as a challenge. An imposing foe who seeked revenge for his fallen brothers.

This door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door this door

With a mighty kick, it gave way before his rage. OF COURSE! NONE COULD STAND BEFORE THE MIGHT OF HIS BOOTS! By ill luck however, his foe had forseen the possibility of defeat. Setting itself with explosives, it planned to take it's mortal foe with it to the afterlife. All three were blow into the room by the force of it's death throes before a room of cultists.

Dead silence. Not a sound was uttered by either party for what seemed like tens of minutes. Ashia broke the silence by declaring themselves maintainence workers and to please ignore them. However, she failed to take into account her garb. Seeing them as yet another roving band of Jehovah's Witnesses, (They really get around) he screamed a sentence of death on the unbelievers.

Thankfully, Ashia and Torn were hiding like the squishies they are shielded by Ulfric's immense bulk which took up the room. Swarming him like flies on candy, the cultists surrounded Ulfric. Ashia shielded him from damage, and omnom'd the leader's name. Torn shot cultist Marvin in the face. Ulfric swept the room unsuccessfully trying to trip everyone. Then returned to his usual MO of stabbing everyone.

Everything was going pretty good. The cultists were not very up to date on their stabbings due to living in sewers. A lifetime of unsanitary worship of Rickthulhu and his house of R'ollyeh can do that to you. Canterbury stumbled up still seeing vapor trails, and managed to pull the blonde loli along then ahead. They managed a token effort as the blonde tried and failed to identify them and Canterberry....just kind of stood a ways off failing to recall or sing in key the lyrics to Blow the Man Down.

Taking it as a pretty cool suggestion, one of the cultists ran off a ways and casted AOE on the group. Another followed his lead dropping Ashia into peril, the tank to half, and Torn to 25%. Even the blonde loli was not immune. The only ones safe were Torn, and nameless who were still back at the intersection, running out of smokes. Canterberry was alright being too sensible or too distracted to bunch up in enclosed quarters. It was in this tense atmosphere, everything crawled to a HALT.

[Xenophon]

Plot Update April 28 and May 5

Yeah, I've been neglecting these a bit, so sue me.

As the last of the raiders fell, over half of the party noticed something was incredibly, terribly off. Severed limbs twitched, sightless eyes fluttered open to stare at the survivors of the attack. The members of the party more attuned to magic could tell that there was something... evil around. It was a terrible feeling, a pressure that bogged down on the party and whispered of horrible pain in voices they could barely hear.

Just when they thought the sounds would stop, there was a sound halfway between a slurp and a gurgle as a mass of flesh, some of it from the raiders and some of it from the caravan's guards, stood up. More than a few of the men and women took a moment to forcibly expel the contents of their stomachs. The archers, many of whom had seen friends and companions cut down by hails of arrows and swords alike, huddled in whatever cover they could find, praying that they wouldn't be found.

Some of the soldiers were made of sterner stuff. Ivan leveled his rifle at the first monster and put a bullet cleanly through its mass, but the hole hardly seemed to faze the monster. It shambled forward, tentacles of bone and skin and muscle reaching forth to try to drag its victims into a gaping maw full of mismatched teeth, but three such monsters were quickly disposed of by the party. Davien prepared to heave a sigh of relief, until Jan pointed out that whatever magic had reanimated the corpses was still working.

The next instant, a towering creature of flesh rose, easily three times the size of a wagon and built out of at least two dozen bodies. It smashed aside one of the carts and plowed into Davien, pushing him aside, tentacles flailing aimlessly and wreaking havoc wherever they touched.

The beast's girth made it slow and allowed the party to cut it down to size, but the sheer amount of flesh that had created it allowed it to live long enough to inflict serious damage to those unlucky enough to be within range of a tentacle. By the time the beast fell, everyone was panting and praying for the end. Johnny sagged to the ground and began rubbing at his temples, muttering softly. Weber hugged himself and whooped in glee that he had survived, while his drunken guard took another swig of his fighting booze. Atrian walked sadly amongst his men with the one guard who had stayed conscious, dragging the men who still breathed to the carts while saying a few words over the others. Through Kirsi, Jan, and Ana's ministrations, five of the fallen guards were brought back from the brink of death. Six had bled out while the fighting raged and others had been consumed by the flesh beasts, leaving only nine of the original twenty two alive.

The rest of the trip to Cirnh was uneventful and they arrived only a few hours behind schedule. Johnny lead the way to the docks, smiling for the first time in the two days when he saw Shailya and Ayala, two elven girls who were his friends and trading partners. After seeing the looks on their faces, his smile disappeared.

"Where's Anaiya? She's usually here to greet me..."

"Anaiya... she isn't here anymore, Johnny. The city guard found her body this morning."

"You mean... was she... I'm so sorry..."

"She was murdered, but those bloody bastards won't let us hunt down the killer!"

Ivan, being a creepy shotapire, heard the exchange and the wheels in his head started turning. Approximately thirteen hundredths of a second later, a little lightbulb flashed. He introduced himself as a member of a group of adventurers, ones particularly skilled in problem solving. Johnny nodded and explained about the raider attack, claiming that Ivan and his friends had been the only reason anyone made it out of there. After a moment to console the women, Ivan suggested that he might have been able to look into things and find their sister's murderer. Shailya wanted only to bury her sister's body, but Ayala burned for revenge and convinced her more levelheaded sister to accept Ivan's help. After a moment to tell Johnny not to finalize anything until he was back, Ivan gathered the party and set out for the crime scene.

Justice had already staked a claim to the scene, but the guards in Cirnh were notably more lax than those that patrolled Tayrn. Between Ivan and Jan, they convinced the men that they were Inspectors, investigating the crime. With a high ranking member under Justice's control--or at least someone pretending to be high in a Master's esteem--the nameless guards quickly backed down and let the party in. They fanned out, taking in the dead girl, her throat slit and several stabs coating her chest and arms, obviously saying that she had fought until the end.

The primary clues they had where a dagger that Kirsi picked up and used her objectivism on, seeing that it had been the murder weapon before being separated from its owner and left there. Unfortunately, the crime scene was old enough that it was difficult for her to tell more. Using her knowledge of magic, she could tell that it was definitely magical, perhaps even enchanted, but more likely forged using some kind of magical technique. As Ivan pointed out, though, it was too large for a normal sized human and too small for a troll. Perhaps it would fit Davien's hands, but everyone else would be out of luck.

The most disturbing part of the dagger was Ana's quiet comment that it was most definitely part organic. If that had something to do with its magical creation, they had no idea, but something living had gone into that blade. As they pondered what that could mean, Jan called out to tell them that she had found a smeared handprint on a doorframe. Using their lie as Investigators, they moved into the warehouse, following the bloodstains. For some reason, the warehouse was completely empty. The dust was disturbed in some places, showing that something had been stored here at some point, but three empty rooms only made the adventurers feel more and more on edge.

A growling kind of thumping started to echo through the rooms as they moved deeper, Ivan leading the way, until he slowly opened the door to see a... zombie? standing in the middle of the largest room. It swayed slowly back and forth, sightless eyes staring at nothing. When it didn't move, Ivan eased the door closed again and motioned for them to step away.

The party unanimously decided that these monsters had most likely killed Anaiya, but they weren't human enough anymore to be allowed to live. They would have to be put down like any other ghoul. With the guards who had been watching the body in tow, they moved in and cut down several of the beasts.

What was sitting in the middle of the large room wasn't what any of them had expected. Two huge machines made of black iron and fleshy pustules, fueled by magic dark enough to make any mage gag, rested amongst them. One still pulsed gently, as if its heart was beating. Inside each of the flesh bags was a human, or what had been human, or what might have been one of the zombie monsters they had just fought. Despite Jan's protests that they needed to study the machines, the party quickly began killing the poor creatures trapped inside the disgusting alteration chambers.

The other machine was already broken, its victims spilled out from the bags. Ten ghouls accounted for, leaving the machine finished. Still, the party knew that these beasts hadn't been what killed Anaiya. They wouldn't have been able to grip the blade they had found, nor did they seem coherent enough to have chased her down and cut her throat. After making sure that the bags would produce no more beasts, they moved on.

The sounds of fighting emerged from the next warehouse and a trail of blood led the party deeper, but they quickly encountered a monk in a red gi outside the warehouse. As they watched, he crushed another tube zombie with his bare hands, dropping it to the ground with an unamused sigh. When he noticed Ana and Ivan, his first reaction was to ask to fight them. They quickly both claimed to have headaches and not be feeling like fighting right then, making the monk sigh again.

After introducing himself as Jin, a man who lived to fight and fight and fight some more, Ivan promised to show him battles he couldn't dream of if he worked with them. The Great Xenogod provided some background music and big text in the sky that said "You've gained a party member!"

They continued into the next warehouse through the convenient massive hole in the top, when they heard the voice of a young girl call out for help. Some of the party had to be schooled to keep cautious as they moved forward; as they turned the first corner, they found another dead girl, her entire body torn apart by dozens of the knives. Thomas remarked sadly about the wasted life, but no one wanted to stop to check a girl who was obviously already dead.

Another hole in the wall revealed a third murdered woman, this one with her throat ripped out. Blood puddled around the body and her sightless eyes stared outward, begging the witnesses for help even in death. Again, the young girl called out, coughing her plea for someone to make it stop hurting.

Finally, Jin turned the last corner and came face to face with the young girl--or what had been her. The mutation had turned half of her body into a monstrosity of steel and magic, hundreds of the green knife blades extending from her arm. Her face had twisted as the bones started to change, giving her a single twisted horn extending from her temple and a terrible grin. She sobbed quietly in the corner, begging for help. Everyone close enough to see her stepped closer, wanting to help her despite her appearance.

As they spoke to her, it became clear that the pain had destroyed her mind. Each of the dead women had offered to help her, so she had killed them to silence the pain that wracked her. Jin nodded calmly as he looked at her, and then offered to help as well. When she stood up, his fist smashed into her chest and knocked her back against the wall.

After a quick struggle, she was subdued and Jin prepared to deliver the final blow, ending her pain in a single strike. The others, however, argued to keep her alive for questioning.

They dragged the mutated woman back to the docks, taking the time only to make sure that the bodies were released to their families, and reported the good news to Ayala and Shailya. Ayala was angry that they had let Anaiya's murderer live, but Shailya overruled her and went with when Ivan took the girl upstairs and tried to gently question her. Her mind was totally broken by pain and rage, but Ivan did manage to coax a few answers out of her, if they were totally unsatisfying. After it became clear that there was no help for her, since any attempt to reverse the alteration would almost certainly kill her, Ivan asked the others to leave so that he could end her pain. Only Weber's masked friend stayed, and he simply took her unaltered hand in his to give the girl some measure of comfort as Ivan put the barrel of his pistol against her head and pulled the trigger. Afterward, in a sudden bout of sanity, the Man in the Mask gave Ivan a proud nod, called him by name, and suggested he not drain the girl, because it would attract too much attention. Ivan's attempts to figure out who this man was hit a roadblock of craziness that the shotapire could not penetrate.

Jin, meanwhile, got bored of his attempts to provoke a fight with Atrian and wandered outside, only to notice a tall man carrying a war scythe outside the building.

"One thinks this is a perfect evening. One suggests that you enjoy the night, for this is the last sunset you will ever see."

"Just the kind of thing I was looking for!" Jin yelled back, charging forward at the man. The Scythe wielder felt a little sorry for the alone monk and didn't sic his assassins on the boy, instead choosing to toy with him by dodging his attacks and bleeding him with throwing knives. For a second it seemed like it would be a terrible place for Jin to be in, until Thomas landed a perfect flashbang and blinded Scythe. Jin quickly threw his everything into the attacks, trying his damndest to kill the assassin before he could strike.

When he came to, Scythe countered Jin with a massive swing of the scythe that nearly cleaved the monk in two, driving him back enough to blink away and help his assassins escape the party as it gathered. One of his subordinates was crushed by Ana's magic and killed instantly, but despite his wounds, Scythe used an obscuring fog spell and his shadow teleportation to narrowly escape Jin and Ivan. The monk pounded the ground in rage as his strong enemy escaped, and also a random nameless generic assassin also got away.

As the party licked their wounds for a moment and debated their next move, Ivan and Jan got into a small argument that ended with Ivan leaving for a walk to cool his head. The Vampire hadn't fed on fresh blood for so long that it was starting to get to him. He wandered into the slums, finding a prostitute and a young woman both within easy reach of becoming his meal, but the thing that caught his eye was a mugger awaiting him in an alley. Ivan circled around him and dragged him into the shadows, biting into his neck over and over again until the man was finally dead. With that taken care of, Ivan gulped down the warm blood as if it were delicious ice cream before hiding the body and wandering off.

After assassins in Cirnh, monstrosities hidden in the slums, and a trade alliance in the start, the party settled down to get a night's rest before the next hectic day began.

[Babel Secondorph]

Sewers... The Sequel


"We found the goods that must be questioned" - Canterberry


Moving forward the party has assembled to dismantle the cult's members literally. After standing together in the enemy magic user's collective aoe attacks as a proof of their bond of friendship the team prevailed through various attacks.

Upon establishing victory for all that is good and honorable the team noticed a tomb thingy in the background that was opening up all on its own!

Meanwhile Canterberry collected torches bringing her collection to roughly 8.

Moving back to the tomb the party was amazed to find some zombie grandpa dude had stepped out of it, Canterberry believing the paladin to be "goods that must be questioned" began interrogating him as per the job description from Mrs John Smith thief that she had misunderstood.

Thinking she has found a lead on her "precious thing" she practically drags the paladin away and the adventure in the sewers continues.


Moving on Canterberry wanders off on her own because she was sure the party should have gone left and seeks to remedy that and against their better judgment our new paladin friend, Scarlett, and The Nameless Monk decide to tag along.

Thinking perhaps that they should go a different way Ulrick begins kicking down any door he sees dragging tomathin hunter, Ashia the awesome fortune teller, with a cute and likeable demeanor, a rather fashionable book, I wish I could be like and only useful party member, and whomever else i forgot into heated justice combat.

Meanwhile Team Canterberry continues to wander around beating people up until Scarlett finds a switch that brings the party back together in a very roundabout away.

Canterberry greets the other party so has just finished destroying their enemies and perhaps healing them with her tendril shadows they decide to move onwards; all with their new friend in tow, Gramps The Questionable Goods.

EDIT: Not editted at all~

[Xenophon]

Plot Update: May 19th

Not to be one to be distracted from his main goal by assassins and crazy mutants and crying elf girls and cold blooded murder and bitching cloaks that may or may not be enchanted with awesome, Ivan continued working toward his goal.

What was his goal, you ask? Hell if I know. He's the shotapire. He might want blood, he might want a hug. It is not an exact science, okay?

Anyway, Jan goes to talk to the local union boss, who bears a striking resemblance to Boss Tweed in New York in the 1920s because Xeno is a history nerd okay? Turns out, he has a problem and could use some adventurers to take care of it for him. SURPRISE SURPRISE. PLOT HOOK FIRMLY ESTABLISHED IN YOUR MOUTH.

*reels the party in*

So the basic deal is that farmers bring their goods to him, he takes his cut, sells it to the merchants, Crofter takes his cut, and then what's left trickles back to the farmers so that they can continue not starving. It's awesome for everyone involved--as long as you don't count the farmers. FEUDALISM! Unfortunately, some of those ungrateful bastards are going behind the boss' back and selling their goods elsewhere. Tweed isn't getting his money, which means Crofter isn't getting his, which is a good way to find a knife in your back in Amalcia. So Tweed asks the party to go resolve this situation.

They arrive at a hidden copse of trees where the smugglers are known to rest before bringing the goods to the port, then Jin gets into a battle of WITS with the leader, who is also the SMUGGEST BASTARD. Unfortunately, Jin heard me typing the word battle and realized that he was talking instead of punching. He fixed that by charging a nearby archer and punching him so hard that somewhere, a baby started crying. Also his sternum cracked, several of his ribs broke, and he started randomly bleeding from his mouth like this was a shounen anime.

The smuggest bastard went and used his puns to inflict massive damage on Jin's defenseless eardrums, but unfortunately all that managed to do was make Jan angry. Together, they beat him half to death and killed all of his guards. After that, the bastard tried to make a sweet escape, only to fail when the dragons jumped on him. After knocking him unconscious, the party killed all but one of the archers that had ambushed them, interrogated the last one, and then let him run away sobbing.

Ivan then woke up the SMUGGEST BASTARD and talked to him too, finding out that the delivery was to be made to the large, wealthy casino in Cirnh. As they left, Ivan made sure that there was no bastard smugger than the shotapire.

They took a minute to get dressed up, then strode calmly into the casino. Ivan had to bribe the guards to get the dragons and Jin inside, but surprisingly it was the monk who caused the most trouble. The dragons just made the staff regret the invention of the buffet table. Tom, Ivan, and Jan sat down to play poker and gather information while Jin tried to pick fights with the staff and the dragons ate, but it was Jan who actually won. After a few hands, the other PCs went to play games they wouldn't lose at. Fortunately, Jan was still there when the dealer mentioned the Winner's Table; a 25,000 buy in with a 1,000,000 gold piece pot. If this was an anime, you would have seen her eyes turn into dollar signs and saliva start pouring out of her mouth. However, this is real life, so only the second happened.

Ivan had abooooout the same reaction when she told him about it. "We have to win that, Ivan." The shotapire grinned. "No," he said. "We need to steal it."

[Babel Secondorph]

"We had been betrayed... the goods were not able to be questioned." -Canterberry

Arriving at the "**itty Dock" the party was met with fierce opposition but triumphed due to a tripwire that was never triggered and numerous subversive tactics.

Trading quips and arrows back and forth Ashia and Enemy Archer A had a tense feud while the rest of the party charged.

Canterberry also claimed a whirrly for her hoard.

Speaking of hordes the "***tty Barge" has lots of new and useful items conveniently in store for our party as they leveled to 5.

Agreeing to not decide where to go next, we wait in anticipation for where our party will decide where to go next.

How will our dysfunctional family of antisocial outcasts fare in the coming days?

[Xenophon]

Plot Update: May 26th

Enter swaggeriffic Ivan, sauntering through the casino, stopping fights, flashing smiles, making all of the girlies swoon, winning games and taking names. Enter the rest of his party, Tom and Jan both partaking in all the casino who has to offer, and then two dragons who were busy annoying the staff and making the cooks cry as they consumed incredible amounts of everything and a monk who just wanted to kill everyone. Okay, maybe he wasn't swaggering so much as trying to keep from killing every poor bastard in the casino.

Enter Grits, who wants Ivan to win the rigged game by rigging it again. The prize doesn't exist and the house is just going to skin away the cash from the buy-ins when their cheating cheater wins, so there's nothing wrong with someone else swooping in, cheating, and stealing the 25,000 gold that would come from the saps who paid for a nonexistent prize. Ivan was all over this and quickly joined with the cheating cheaters to cheat like the cheating cheater that he really was.

The meet the dealer and say the words to let him know that they're cool with cheating and the game goes exactly as they said it would. Ivan wins the prize and the dealer points out the boss' room where he'll go to collect the cash that doesn't exist. Ivan goes with the intent of calling them out, then asking for the cash legitimately or he'll expose them as cheating cheaters. Either way, he wins and they lose.

Only, the prize wasn't a fake and they have no idea what he's talking about. As far as they know, he's the only one that was cheating. Because they know he was cheating. Unfortunately for the brothers, instead of the party wanting to talk about figure out who had screwed who, they just killed the three men. Thirty seconds later, Kirsi was having a fit and eating a dead man while the others were kind of creeped out.

A red light filled the room as Ana started muttering dark words under her breath. Before the others could even wonder what kind of spell she was casting or why she would be trying to make a spell at all, a deep red blossomed from the chest of every guard in the casino and a few dozen gamblers. Those unlucky enough to be targeted were killed instantly and everyone nearby coated in blood and organs. Ana giggled as one of the men Ivan had talked into surrendering turned into goo.

Gritty was waiting outside with a flashbang, but he just couldn't run fast enough. He collapsed still two turns away from the door, coughing blood, and laughing his ass off.

"Kid," he grunted thickly through the pain, "you got played." Ivan ordered the others to keep him alive for questioning, but the Grittiest of Guards was too much of a badass to let that happen. He bit off his own tongue and gave Ivan the finger as he drowned on his own blood.

Everyone in the casino was panicked by the blood and the explosions, so Jin set the place on fire to keep them calm. It must have worked because they all went outside and swore off gambling and immoral lifestyles and vowed to follow Aela's teachings if please the gods just let them live they didn't want to die why was this happening--!

I might have paraphrased that a bit.

Kirsi suggested that they find a place to lay low for a while, but Thomas and Jin were already gone. The dwarf was sick of the senseless violence and giggling psychos and wanted nothing more than to fill every one of his party members full of bolts. It's not likely they'll be meeting again.

Jin? Jin felt the same, but he was still just looking for the perfect fight. He went deeper into Cirnh to see what he would find, leaving his gluttonous party to gorge themselves upon the pain and suffering they left in their wake.

[Alan Girm Moria]

wewantmapsofthisdamnit! What? Maps you say? Sure. Have a maps.

Edit: Screens of future events to follow. Current remains are not exactly...photogenic at the moment.

[Xenophon]

Plot Update: June 02, 2012

Xeno Sucks At Art and Planning Part Infinity Three

First we'll start with Jin, then I'll go highlight what the rest of the party is doing, k? Actually don't bother answering I'm doing that either way.

Jin trollwalked away from the others deeper into Cirnh's underbelly. Yes the city is already an underbelly, but he found the underbelly's underbelly. He also found a club about which you do not talk because of the first rule of such clubs. The doormen demanded a fee in return for this club's services, so instead Jin punched them in the face. They were not fans of that form of alternate payment.

Inside, there were three men preparing to take on the King of the Ring in a series of 1v1 brawls to decide who would be the victor. Instead, Jin charged in and punched a guy in the face, so the entire room just descended into madness. MADNESS I SAY!

Before Jin could clean up, a woman charged through the door in a remarkably Jin fashion and punched our hero in the back of the head. Yes, Jin is the hero now, because he's the only party member who is not a criminal. Seriously, five of the eight party members eat people, too. Shit be fucked. Anyway, more brawling, Jin takes down Brawler 1, and the Action Girl drops Brawler 3. That leaves only the two of them and the King of the Ring standing.

The Action Girl punched Jin in the side, dropping him to a knee, barely conscious, before knocking out the King of the Ring with a spectacularly executed rising dragon fist that would have made Jin fall in love immediately if he had been able to see anything other than weird twisty shapes. Concussions do weird things.

Just as Action Girl prepared to land the final blow and claim the title, Jin punched at exactly the right time. Their fists collided perfectly, but Jin was prepared for such an advantage. Before she could move, he pummeled her in the stomach, knocking her against the wall where she slid downward. Jin could barely stand himself, but he offered a hand to the woman, who took it--and tried to hit him again. She missed and Jin counterattacked, missing as well.

Finally both sagged to the ground, crying manly tears of blood, yes, Action Girl was crying manly tears, before Jin got bored and struggled to his feet. They had both recognized him as the winner, so his work there was done. He struggled out of the Totally Legitimate Business Place and walked over to the nearby inn, bandaging himself up and telling the bartenderess about the prize that was sitting over at the club about which we shall not speak. She allowed Jin to stay and clean up in return for more money than she would ever have had in her entire life. As she walked past, Jin took one hundred gold from her and threw it to the two guards he had punched out. "Paid in full."

As Jin stumbled away, feeling a bit better after the medicine but still in desperate need of rest and professional medical help, a slow, sarcastic clap filled the alleyway. The man who entered seemed utterly unconcerned by Jin's threats and introduced himself as the man who had killed Jin's mentor and entire village. Jin yelled damn the torpedos, full speed ahead! in an entirely fitting but anachronistic challenge and punched the raider in the face, much to the man's amusement. Jin continued to chase the raider king as he walked away, until finally he turned and cold cocked Jin with a natural 20. The monk hit the deck, unconscious before his body had stopped bouncing.

Fin.

The others were taken back to the Spring that Kirsi had found and introduced to an Imp. She explained that she had been away during the meeting with the smuggest bastard because she had woken up to find the genderquestionable demon sitting on her floor, utterly confused. He had been summoned by a wizard, but instead found himself in the bedroom of a woman she didn't know at all. On top of that, without the wizard's magic sustaining him, she was fading fast. He latched on to the nearest magical source and ran for it, Kirsi in hot pursuit.

After all of this was explained, Ivan just wanted to know if he was still the cutest guy in the nation, but the imp was unwilling to say if she was male.

With that unsettled, the party returned to the primary plan of finding and brutally murdering the dealer who had stolen their cash. The merchants didn't know where he was. Johnny and Atrian promised to help look, but couldn't offer anything more than the use of their contacts. Davien had a drink with the underbelly's head problem resolution sailor and soldier of fortune, the Old Craggy Captain Who Obviously Knows What's Going On. His title was very helpful in figuring out who needed drinks bought for him.

Of course, Kirsi had the fortune of talking to Weber. Weber had totally seen that guy, heading off to see Masky on Masky's boat. THE CHASE WAS ON.

They hopped aboard Craggy's boat and sailed after the schooner, catching it only a short ways after the harbor ended. Kirsi and Jan hopped over while Davien scaled the ropes tossed between the boats, but the only things left on the boat were a gold coin, a note, and the dealer's body.

Then the boat exploded.

Davien swam back to the pirate boat with the two medics on his back, then climbed aboard. Kirsi had used her chest floatation device to keep the note dry and open to analysis, while Jan held the single coin of the million she had lost and shook with impotent rage. Davien went to get some brandy and warm up while the others gathered around to watch Kirsi do her thing. No, not that thing. Pervert.

Kirsi followed the note back, watching Masky plant it on The Dealer's freshly murdered corpse, watching him write it, watching him spend forty five minutes flipping it off in an eldritch hate ritual to imbue this piece of paper with more hate than any other piece of paper should hold. The hatred was so great that somewhere a hippy got a really bad vibe and had to go think pleasant thoughts until it passed.

But there was nothing else. They had no leads on Masky and no more Dealer to follow. For some reason, I think that isn't the end of their problems, either.

[Xenophon]

Plot Update: July 7

Wow I am bad at remembering to do this. Since the last update, Kirsi and Jin went into the Desert to see about the Raider king who had come to fight him. After squashing his men and him and shifting the world eighteen inches to the left by deleting Archers from existence by dealing 150+ damage in a single round, Jin walked away while a couple of demons snagged Kirsi and ported away with her. Jin don't care.

Then the party found him and went to snag Kirsi, which was surprisingly easy because the demons just wanted to talk. Cimejes returned to the Plane of Chaos with the summoner in tow, but Lineth used her incredible magic powers to stabilize herself and remain part of the party. Ho ho what could possibly be going on there.

After regaining Kirsi, the party trekked back to Tayrn. This time, no bandits attacked, partially because they moved from the south rather than the west and didn't take a major trade route, but also because no sane bandit would attack a large party of adventurers. Jin was just looking for a fight, too. He had to settle for punching rocks from existence and weeping at the lack of enemies.

The Tower of Magi was the next stop for the party. With some smooth talking, Kirsi and Ivan managed to wrangle a few moments with Ezren, the Tower Prime. After explaining the situation with SWLiHN and Anastasia, Ezren agreed to research how to create a portal to rescue his former student. In return, he wanted them to follow a pair of mages who had taken a box full of items he desired from the tower and were heading north with them, instead of south where they were needed. He wanted the party to reclaim the items and, if possible, the mages. Ivan agreed and basically sprinted away, doing whatever it took to help Ana.

When they found the mages, two... humans? were carrying the box as the mages shot bursts of flame and pure energy into monstrous zombies like they had found in Cirnh. Kirsi noticed something exceptionally wrong about the men and dropped a holy smite onto the hooded people; after a moment, they removed the cloaks. Unlike the poor girl in Cirnh, these were completed Alterations. The Altered humans began to tear the party apart, dealing massive amounts of damage while the mages used magic to support from afar.

Or at least that was the plan until one of them rolled three 1s in a row and nothing above an 8. Ever. Yeah, that was kind of bullshit. At least ALL FOUR STRONG ENEMIES managed to hurt Jin a little bit. Not even really that much, a heal in time would have saved him. And then they were dispatched with ease.

The disgusted party members pried open the box, finding bits and pieces of mediocre magical power and not understanding what it was for. The two mages, Dalen and Amiya, were broken beyond repair, Amiya wracked by formless terrors that she could do nothing but cower in fear of while Dalen screamed in rage and pain, shouting of death and torment.

However, Ivan's examination of the fallen Alters did reveal something about them. The box of items wasn't just random crap--it was pieces that would be fused into a human to create an alter. Quick inspection revealed that Amiya and Dalen had both begun walking along that path and that the stress had broken their minds.

Ezren quietly removed the mages and began the proceedings that would have both executed, sequestered away the items, and told Ivan what would be needed to bridge the planes to get the party through. Of how to save Ana, he had no advice. The Tower could get the party to SWLiHN's plane, but after that, they were on their own.

[Xenophon]

Plot Update: July 21

The party descended into the Dartmuth Manor, carefully ignoring the way the floors were still brightly polished and that the torches still burned bright. It had been so long since any feet had walked inside these halls, but it seemed as if it had only been a few minutes. The walls were spotless, the floors pristine, pictures hung with care and every candle lit to add a cheery light to the home. The only thing out of place was the puddles of blood the splattered all across the floor.

The aura of decay pressed in, forcing each of the intruders to steel their minds and consciously ignore the impossibilities of what they were seeing. That was easy enough as they began to explore, finding absolutely no trace of habitation. If it weren't for Ivan's insistence and the piles of bodies they found, it would have been easier to believe that no one had ever lived in such a forsaken place.

A river of blood poured through the rooms, endlessly flowing despite it having no source and no end. The blood was up to most of the party's knees, though poor Jan had to wade through blood up to her chest to reach the other side. All the while, specters floated on the edges of their vision, moaning restlessly and reenacting their terrible deaths. Jin and Davien both felt the horror each of the victims had known and soon found that no matter where they looked, they couldn't get the images out of their heads.

Ivan led the way through his home, stopping at his bedroom; it and Ana's rooms were the only places in the entire mansion not touched by an otherworldly, destroying power. With a breath to steel himself, he moved into his mother and father's room.

Both of the adult Dartmuths had been dismembered, every piece of furniture in their rooms and the rest of the house moved in to create HER symbol. The master bedroom had been turned into an alter to She Who Lives in Her Name, and it was from where her power stemmed. Unfortunately, the books that Ivan needed were further... they were in her prison.

While the others examined the great doorway that had bound her inside it for centuries, Ivan gathered the books he would need and dropped them into his dimensional pocket. Unfortunately, the distortion was as powerful here as it was in the bedroom above. Disembodied laughter shook the house and apparitions began to form, blocking the exit.

Ivan took the opportunity to scream his defiance, which provoked She Who Lives in Her Name to appear and give him an amused reply. Fortunately for the party, she was interested in bargaining and even brought out Ana to speak with Ivan.

The girl wasn't all there anymore. She moved jerkily, more like an automaton than a person, and spoke even more unsteadily than she had used to. It appeared that she had utterly given up on living and submitted entirely to SWLiHN's influence... until Ivan spotted a glyph magically burned into her forehead, controlling her mind and making her a puppet. Enraged, he dashed forward and grabbed his sister, a flash of light severing the binding that SWLiHN had been using to hold her. The Horror immediately began to flood the house with blood, the very stench of which spoke of slow, painful death. None of the party had any interest in finding out what exactly it did, so they ran, bursting through mirages and ghosts as the house itself tried to kill them.

They ran all the way to the bottom floor, but when they reached the doorway, it was no longer there. There was nothing at all. Kirsi, panicked by what she had seen and somehow aware that they were somewhere different than they had been, threw herself into her Abyssal portal and appeared outside the manor, leaving the party behind. Meanwhile, blood continued to pour unabated into every room.

The party retreated to the Grand Ballroom, looking at all of the windows that lead to nowhere. Even had they been able to go through one, blood poured from every crack along the outside, coating the walls and floor with the stench of death. With nowhere else to go, Davien punched one of the windows, shattering it and a chunk of nearby wall. Miraculously, the blood that had issued from that window dissipated as it had never been, giving the party a pathway to run through.

On the other side was the alleyway behind the manor, but every person there knew that it wasn't actually an alley. Lineth and Kirsi, frantically speaking to each other through their bond, soon realized that they weren't anywhere at all; they were in the Space Between, the utter emptiness between planes that should have utterly crushed their existence. They chose not to think of what was happening as Davien lead the ones still trapped along the cobblestone path until they found a door that looked suspiciously similar to the one that had been the front of the manor. They stepped through to find themselves beside Kirsi in the manor grounds, though the space between the Dartmuth's home no longer existed. The front door opened directly into the back wall with nothing in between. The building stood, but was not there anymore.

They didn't really want to talk about that, either.

Ivan dropped Ana off with the mages and told Ezren what had happened. The Prime took Ana into his care and promised to do everything he could to help her, though he wasn't going to hold out hope that they could reverse the damage done by a being greater than the gods. Short of a divine intervention, he said, there was nothing that a simple mage could do.

Next, the party went to speak with the Warden, who had been busy while they were away. He tried to reassert his control over them, but the party wasn't having any more of that. Kirsi openly threatened him and Jin even went so far as to physically injure him, nearly throwing the beaten man into the lake before Davien stopped him.

Dirk was more sympathetic to the adventurers and was willing to speak a few words of advice, but moved on before Ivan could get any straight answers out of the halfling. The one thing he did say, however, was that Ivan thought he knew what was going on when he really had no idea.

Despite his humiliation at the hands of the party, the Warden went on with his plan of having an important member of Crofter's association murdered to start an open war between Masters. John Smith was the man that the party would need to kill in the name of the Master of Death, which would shortly prompt retaliation. With the help of the union boss, they would lure Smith into the open and murder him. Short, sweet, and to the point.

They left the Prison without another word to the Warden and went back to the mainland, where they were pulled aside by a blue haired kid asking after Ivan. He seemed awfully familiar, then introduced himself as Alex Dartmuth, of the Dirnish family branch. He had heard about Ana and brought news of similar destruction on his family, so he was in Amalcia to find out if there had been any other survivors and offer help if there were. He wanted his revenge on SWLiHN, too.

Ivan accepted his cousin's help and the two Dartmuths went back to work.