Oissian (Rider)

[rosemairy]

Rider

[/IMG]

"To live is to learn."[/size][/center]

[/color][/b][/color]: // Rosemairy "Oissian" Fionn
OTHER ALIAS[/color]: //The Masked Knight
CURRENT AGE[/color]: //
YEAR OF BIRTH[/color]: //
GENDER[/color]: // Female
ALIGNMENT[/color]: //Chaotic Good
OCCUPATION[/color]: //Rider
[/size][/ul]

[/color][/b][/color]: // i1115.photobucket.com/albums/k554/rosemairy/2982ccccfb3a517593457eda.jpg

HEIGHT

[/color]: //175 cm
WEIGHT[/color]: // 136lbs
EYE COLOR[/color]: //Red
HAIR COLOR[/color]: //Pink-reddish
PIERCINGS[/color]: //None
TATTOOS[/color]: //A rose tattoo on her right back shoulder.
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES[/color]: //Eye color
[/size][/ul] [/blockquote]

[/color][/b][/color]: //

• Trait
  
  • Loyal
  
  
• Trait
  
  • Stubborn
  
  
• Trait
  
  • Little to no common sense
  
  
• Trait
  
  • Polite
  
  

LIKES

[/color]: // Beautiful Women/Men
DISLIKES[/color]: //Insects
STRENGTHS[/color]: //Endurance
WEAKNESSES[/color]: //Easily get carried away
[/ul][/size][/blockquote]

MY LEGEND: //en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ois%C3%ADn

[/color]
MY HISTORY[/color]: //In her life, Oissian was a female knight, to avoid controversy, she wears mask and heavy armor to hide her gender. Only a selected few known her secret. She eventually developed a secret crush on Niamh, the lady of the lake, whom was initially surprise at finding out Oissian's secret. Out of the kindness of her heart, Niamh agrees to kept Oissian's secret, the two eventually became good friends and together adopt Oscar and Plor.

Oissian has been illegally summoned before, and because of a certain situation involved in that summon, her power was greatly reduced during that war. She was killed very quickly by her long-time enemy in a humiliating defeat, (she give her all but still manages to get blow to death) despite her valiant effect to save her "master", she was unable to accomplish that goal which wounded her pride. As a result, she has since then grown a strong dislike for cheating and casters in general.

MY GOALS[/color]: // Return to Niamh

[/color][/b][/color]: // Long Sword
NOBLE PHANTASM[/color]: //

Oath - Return to Fianna.
Rank: EX
Type: Anti-Fortress
Range: 4-60
Max Targets: 900

A giant lance with a broadsword as the front blade instead of the traditional small blade, and an additional small blade at the back end decorated by reddish pattern. This weapon is powered by magic and can expend its range by diffusion. Starting at the end point, it can divide itself into small chucks linked by sharp metal chain, at which point the weapon itself will move on its own. Once was a gift from her father, this weapon became magical after Oissian's death. Fused by Oissian's memory of her home and the power by the land of eternal youth.

Enbarr - white horse
Rank: B
Type: Anti-Personal
Range: 1-99
Max Targets: 4

Niamh's mount, this magical beast cannot be killed by man or god, it can travel in the sky without wing. Enbarr was lend to Oissian to help her get back home.

CLASS ABILITIES[/color]: //Riding A+

SKILLS[/color]: //

Eye of the Mind (Fake)
Subversive Activities

STRENGTH[/color]: //B
ENDURANCE[/color]: //A
AGILITY[/color]: //B
MANA[/color]: //B
LUCK[/color]: //A
NOBLE PHANTASM[/color]: //EX
[/blockquote][/size][/ul]

[/color][/b][/color]: //Rosemairy
FACE CLAIM[/color]: //INORI YUZURIHA
OTHER CHARACTERS[/color]: //N/A
MISC. INFORMATION[/color]: //N/A
[/size][/ul]

[Tohsaka Rin]

Well... I would usually wait, but this profile did not have a WIP on it, despite being incomplete and it is better to comment now before wasting your time.

This profile honestly made no sense at all to me, which is why I wondered if I might have somehow overseen a character that crossed through space and time to get some of those abilities, but I could not find anyone so far to explain this to me either.

So, if you cannot give a suitable explanation and proper link to the character, as the Amazon Link obviously does not contain the name and I would not see how someone from the 15th Century would be on the List of Greek Amazons, I have to assume that this profile is entirely made up.

Just like mentioned in the Rules, servants have to come with some form of myth behind them. This profile does not have anything like that.

I could go into every point and look like I detonated a series of explosives in there.. but instead I will just save us both time and tell you to come up with a Real Profile. Any additional work placed into this, is nice for the Joke Profile Area, can be an interesting piece of work that you can show others, but it will never get approved here.

1.) Account Name must be Character Name. so not posting a Rosemary Aagron Profile as rosemairy. Rename the account to the character. That is not a big deal, but better to mention it now. Just not Rosemary Aagron.... for reasons stated above and below.

2.) Use a real character and not someone made up. This will also allow to not have a character that crosses time and comes up with a weapon from Hades, a gigantic Pegasus and something from the Lady of the Lake.

3.) Special Stories have to be pre-approved. You summoned your character before by unknown means, which is by standard not permitted. If you want to have some hero that was summoned in the previous war as an unknown and somehow survived this and stayed alive until now, this can be discussed. (Albeit I won't give a guarantee that it will get accepted.)

4.) A bit of skimming through profiles/threads/rules tells you what is allowed and what not, and it would also have shown you on the Character List that the FC you tried to use is already taken by another player.

If you have questions, you can ask them in the Questions and Suggestions Thread, you can use the C-box (OOC Box) and will also be directed and guided then by other means. You can also write a pm to a mod if you need help with something.

This means 'guided' and not that the moderators will write your profile for you. Even if you may wonder why I say this... it happened quite similar in the past, and nobody wants to have that situation ever again.

Thank you and have a nice day.

[rosemairy]

first of all, thanks for replying so quickly. But really, please, be nice. There's really no need to go for my head. I would gladly explain myself if given the chance. For the weapon, the gift of hades and stuff like that, it was only meant to be a name. The blacksmith who made those weapons thought it would be cool to randomly thrown in some famous name, the weapon themselves have no connection to the name...at all. Yeah, and I do realize that I made a mistake with her class, I meant to put rider instead of lancer, somehow getting the two mixed up.

For the history part, I only thrown in illegal summon so I would have something to write, but as you can see even in the original version, she was killed really quickly, she lost, it was only a brief filler which have no bearing to her story. If you dislike it so much then for sure, I'll just delete it.

I want to you take this profile seriously in the sense that I want it passed, but not this serious serious. I wanted a female warrior servant character who has pink hair, not a royal, not a demigod, preferably not too famous, that's it. That's why I initially choose amazons, since they are that, really, she can be anyone and no one at all. But I'm not a history major, so yeah, sorry about, don't know much about Amazons.

[Sola-Ui Nuada-Re Sophia-Ri]

Sir Kay is already claimed on W2, try another shot~

[Sigurd Fafnesbane]

Furthermore, you will have to take a gander at the character list to see what legends are or are not taken here, as outdated as it may be.

Additionally, you will have to back your Phantasms up with bona-fide excerpts from the myths. As far as I can tell, Kay did not have a harp, a strange lance/broadsword combination, or a pegasus. While stretching the interpretation is allowed, it is allowed to an extent.

Throwing in new and random things out of left field has gone beyond 'stretching' it.

This applies similarly to all legends. No George Washington with Bear Mount, no St. George with Batman NP.

[rosemairy]

damn!! I really did want a harp, if you know any mythical hero who's good with music tell me! Anyway, fixed. I know for sure that Perseus has a magical sword, I also remember reading from somewhere that he had a magical lance(or is it just a normal lance?) called Ron, anyway, can I combine those 2 together?

Also if I get approved here, can I move my character to war 2? Since I notice that there weren't any active masters in war 1.

[Sola-Ui Nuada-Re Sophia-Ri]

Check Secundus, Perseus was just made. Also Ron is Arthur's weapon, no dice there either~

[rosemairy]

ok, I have no idea what kind of weapon Bellerophon use, but according to D and D(I think it's a game) he had a spear. This is what I get for wanting a Pegasus....

[Tohsaka Rin]

Well, I always think that it is a bit problematic to use a character which has been somewhat killed off by Nasu, in an absurde way. What I mean are people like Enkidu, who was abused as a chain or Bellerophon used as a girdle. But we allowed Enkidu, so I don't think it is necessary to deny Bellerophon, despite being one of Medusa's NPs.. <.<;

The only problem I see is that even if Bell can ride the Pegasus, that the unleashing of force was done by Bell, and I don't see how Bell could use himself as an NP, making the summoning of the Pegasus possible but definitely not the FSN A+ NP attack. Although there is no special mentioning of his weapons, it is likely that he can use a spear. I would just not expect anything worth of NP level in the weapon arsenal.

Pegasus is rare, but Gryphons might be a good alternative. As Astolfo is already taken, I can only think of Ruggiero/Rogero being a great alternative. In fact he could use some of Hector's weapon, including the armor, and had a Gryphon.

Another interesting choice for someone who likes to ride mythical beasts might be Renaud/Rinaldo, who not only had two magical demon horses, but also a magical sword, named together with the great weapons of Charlesmagne, Roland, Ogier.

As for music instruments, there are not really any in particular coming to mind because bards were not exactly regarded as heroes and other characters mostly monsters. The only characters worth mentioning in this aspect blew through horns or could fit into the category of trickster, just like Astolfo. Another funny choice for someone who is interested in owning a horn that can make people dance would be Huon of Bordeaux.

Given that he is the least known: Huon, you can read the info here. Nevertheless, this is actually more supposed to be a thread for evaluation and not to discuss character ideas. If you have other questions, you should make use of the Suggestion and Question Thread etc... but that was stated in my first reply.

And I was quite friendly, but if you are more eager to spend your time on things that will just get the denied stamp because they are prohibited by board rules, then I won't stop you, and will now only add another reply once the profile is complete.

[rosemairy]

I amazed myself....found a flying horse despite all....yeah, I'm pretty new to the FSN universe so I didn't really understand the 2nd paragraph, but I think Rin is saying that Bell can't use NP???

[Sola-Ui Nuada-Re Sophia-Ri]

Ok, let’s do this. Normally we allow some small rewrites of legend, but this is a little too far. And by a little, I mean you can’t even see the boundary line anymore.

The face claim for your character is not displayed, you need an avatar, and you need the name of your character in your personal account name. Your personality traits are incorrectly done, I would recommend reading any other profile to see how they are done. Not only that, but the Trait ‘Little to no common sense’ makes incredibly little sense for the character, considering he advised his father (Who had the world’s knowledge from the Salmon of Wisdom), was a strategist, and was fairly just generally skilled.

Now lets move on to the personal history. First of all, Oissian was a Fianna, as you know. One of the things Finn’s Fianna were famous for was going around bareheaded. In fact it was a requirement, just like all their trials.

Also Niamh is not the Lady of the Lake. They are not even remotely connected. The closest thing Niamh does that is comparable to the Lady of the Lake is reforging/altering Moralltach. Oissian had never even met Niamh either (Considering she was a Goddess and the Daughter of the God of the Sea), in fact you basically have it backwards. Niamh showed up with a golden trail, mounted on Embarr, went up to Oissian and said ‘Hey you, you’re pretty attractive, let’s get hitched’.

Except in more flowery language, of course. Adoptions might work, etc, although Plor leaves a kinda odd hole in the tale being adopted, considering she inherits divine blood (Merlin, are you making people futas again?) and theoretically could be a candidate for Caster, so I would prefer you not to constrain other potential characters. Oscar has the same problem although all he is really famous for is making his grandfather cry by dying.

Oh and to top it all off the Fianna actually accepted landless women, so uh… yeah. Kind of a problem there.

Maybe at this point, while I come to the second paragraph, that I should mention that History is a retelling of their actual life, which you seem to have completely not done. Just like your history should be longer than the minimum word count for posts, which you have also not succeeded at. 250 words, you happen to be 90 short.

Ok, now for the problem of the second half. Servants don’t remember their previous summonings. They just have no idea they ever were. It could be their first, or their thousandth, and they would never know the difference. I think instead you should simply retell his history or perhaps, *Gasps* read his myths so you don’t have to make stuff up you have no idea about. Or make any reference to the fact that he is the poet of Eire.

Well… at least your goal is reasonable for the character.

Noble Phantasms: Your spear makes no sense in, well, every category. There is no way this weapon would reach EX, even Moralltach, the divine sword gifted by Mannanan Mac Lir and revealed by Niamh, when Oissian slashed with the starlight of the universe to kill a demon haunting the edges of the Land of the Youth, would not reach this rank. You also call it Anti-Fortress when nothing it does is remotely Anti-Fortress. It breaks apart and moves on its own. A property of Areadbhar, not a Lance that has nothing in Myth to support it. And yes, you need support from the Myths. Which this does not have. Because it doesn't exist.

Enbarr: Misclassified again. This would be similar to Medusa’s Pegasus, basically being the same in all but name. You also need to do explain what it does other than just be rideable with an odd sounding range. Since, you know, you ride it.

Skills: Subversive Activities is basically the farthest thing from fitting this character. Also you need to rank your skills, not just put the name down.

Stats: Too high, you aren’t a Saber. Oissian also has nothing that demonstrates A rank Endurance (His hundred year fight had him healed every night by his wife), although I would let the higher than allowed mana past, just because of his strong fey Alignment. But generally… all your stats are really high.

So overall, I think my Eval is actually longer than your profile…



Basically all I have to say is: Fix this after doing your research. I have certainly done mine.

Oh, and next time you accuse a mod of being mean and ‘going for the head’ remember we can be much, much worse. I could just say denied right now, without any explanation, and give you a warning for talking back to a Mod who is trying to help you. What Rin did was polite, and kind. What I did is dissembling a profile that needs more thought behind it. We aren’t being mean, everyone gets the same treatment. We may be strict, but we are strict with everyone.

If that is too hard for you to deal with, this may not be the board for you.

[rosemairy]

There is a difference between being mean and being strict, the difference is in the language. Talking back....since when? what I did was explain myself and trying to have a conversation, anything you guys mentioned before, I changed without a second thought, this character change identity for how many times since I submit? Maybe I search about this guy but couldn't find anymore info other then from wiki? Perhaps I'm new to the FSN and how no idea what anti-fortress is and wiki mention something about attacking? Maybe I search on the net to see if Niamh is a goddess and they mention that she was the lady of the lake? Maybe I didn't realize there were a word limitation, maybe I wasn't able to find a profile guide at 2am int the morning?

You really don't need to do much worst, not that I'll take it. Go delete this profit and this account, this is way too much for me, have a good day.

[Sola-Ui Nuada-Re Sophia-Ri]

I shall. Find it odd that my opinions on the language, despite being an English Major, are always disagreed with, occasionally by people with sub-par levels of understanding.

... Inactiving. Would have almost been a bit of entertainment had I let anyone else do this.