Se-Osiris [Servant - Ready for Approval]

[Se-Osiris]

CASTER



“There’s still much I do not understand, will you teach me, Senpai?”

[/color][/b][/color] Se-Osiris
OTHER ALIAS: //[/color] Egypt’s Greatest Mage, Child Prodigy
CURRENT AGE: //[/color] 12
YEAR OF BIRTH: // [/color] ~1290 B.C.
GENDER: //[/color] Male
ALIGNMENT: //[/color] Lawful Neutral
OCCUPATION: //[/color] Prince, Court Magician, Scholar
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HEIGHT: //

[/color] 1.45 m
WEIGHT: //[/color] 40 kg
EYE COLOR: //[/color] Auburn
HAIR COLOR: //[/color] Bistre
PIERCINGS: //[/color] None
TATTOOS: //[/color] He has three tattoos on his face; markings the shape of fangs, one below his right eye, one above his left eye and the last on his lip.
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: //[/color] His dark skin, clearly revealing that he’s a foreigner from the continent of Africa – more specifically, an Egyptian.
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• Precocious
  
  • Se-Osiris is wise far beyond his years, his maturity not only rivals, but exceeds that of an adult. Some argue that he’s like an old man, lying deceptively behind the face of a child. The boy is calm and collected, hard to rile and almost infinitely patient. He takes his time, is never rash, and enjoys quiet moments. He seems too laidback at times, as if the worries of the world do not apply to him. This is not so. Se-Osiris is always worrying, he just doesn’t feel it necessary to let it compromise his enjoyment of the little things, or let his concerns overflow and affect others. He carries all the worries of the world on his little shoulders.
  
  
• Compassionate
  
  • A kind person, Se-Osiris does not like to see his loved ones and friends suffering – even the suffering of his enemies agonizes him. It’s not so simple as he feels guilty over their deaths, but more that he realizes there were alternate paths to take where everyone could’ve been happy – yet it did not happen. He has grown enough to realize that is because the world does not go the way we want it to, but still young enough to believe it should.
  
  
• Knowledgeable
  
  • A planner, Se-Osiris is constantly concocting plans, failsafe plans, and plans for when those plans fail. From the get go, he has mapped all possible courses the next few years can take, taking into consideration possible variables and adapting to them. He is not a person who likes to be surprised. Analytical, Se-Osiris does not easily trust what is first apparent, preferring rather to bombard with questions in hopes of digging out more information.
  
  
• Childishly Curious
  
  • Despite it all, Se-Osiris has many child-like qualities to him. His insatiable curiosity being the most prominent – it’s as if he not only seeks the truth, but all variations of the lies that hid the truth. He will be interested in the most mundane of conversations, the most simple of everyday occurrences – minor things that people pass by will have profound meaning to him. Utterly shameless in his pursuit of knowledge, Se-Osiris knows no boundaries, especially of those between men and women.

LIKES: //

[/color]
- Knowledge
- Loyalty and Family
- Books, the Internet, any source of information, reliable or not
- Reasonable People
- Being called a Prodigy
- Moments of quiet
DISLIKES: //[/color]
- Ignorance
- Fighting and the Brutes who revel in it
- Unreasonable people
- Large weapons
- Tragedy, even those that happen to ones he called enemies
STRENGTHS: //[/color]
If one measures purely ability as a Magus, then Se-Osiris is without peer. The database of knowledge that is his mind consists of an exceedingly large quantity of information that can be drawn out for use. Being an intelligent and cunning person himself, he is able to effectively put all these advantages to use. Se-Osiris has amazing mental fortitude, remaining composed regardless of the severity of circumstances. His willpower and resolve is startling, even if he himself is physically unimpressive.
WEAKNESSES: //[/color]
He is a child. His body is comparably weak if it has no mana to reinforce it and although he does have a working knowledge of swordsmanship, he won’t be a match for Sabers or Lancers. At best he could fight defensively and buy time. Unlike other Casters, he does not have a penchant for deception – which will undoubtedly prove a great bane for someone of his class. He is capable of it and will use it if the situation arises, but he dislikes dishonesty and deception.[/ul][/size][/blockquote]

MY LEGEND: //

[/color]
Birth of Se-Osiris
Se-Osiris and the Sealed Letter
Se-Osiris and the Journey to the Underworld

MY HISTORY: //[/color]
Se-Osiris was born the son of Setna, the great Scribe who read the Book of Thoth, and the grandson of Rameses the Great, a legendary Egyptian Pharoah. His mother had been barren, but after a visit to the Temple of Osiris, the god appeared to her and told her a way to conceive, with his blessing. At the place where Setna bathes, there was a fruit, she only had to eat it and she would become pregnant. Osiris then told her that once the child was born, she was to name him Se-Osiris, the Gift of Osiris. So she did and so Se-Osiris was born, to the imminent joy of his parents and grandfather. He matured far faster than a normal boy should, he was schooled by the time most children were just learning to talk. In a few months, he knew more than his elderly teachers. He studied in the most prominent temples, learning Mathematics, Astrology and all manner of subjects that piqued his interest – soaking the information as though he were a sponge. He could not be sated. He learnt magic then and by the age of 7 he had learnt every book in the great temple libraries by heart.

He excelled as a Magus, but it was not until there came a threat to the Pharaoh’s court that he was truly recognized. A large, powerful mage from Ethiopia challenged Egypt’s mages to read a sealed scroll of papyrus, without opening the binding. If they failed, they would be humbled before the magic of Ethiopia. Rameses commanded Setna, considered the wisest man after reading the Book of Thoth, to accomplish this, but even he could and so he fell into despair. Se-Osiris, however, only laughed and told his father he would read the payrus paper. In court the designated day, Setna deferred to his son, Se-Osiris, saying the Ethiopian mage was not worth the attention of a fully trained mage of Egypt. Se-Osiris read the story in sealed papyrus paper word for word perfectly – it spoke of a tale of grudges between Egypt and Ethiopia, ending with the exile of the ancestor of the Ethiopian mage before them. Humbled, the Ethiopian mage sought a retreat, but Se-Osiris refused him – instead demanding a conclusion to the rivalry. So they fought. And Se-Osiris won with ease. From that day, the Pharaoh Rameses named him the greatest mage of all Egypt.

Another adventure occurred when his father and him observed the burial of two men, one rich led by an entourage of servants, while another man had been poor and only his wife and child mourned him. Setna wished for the death of the rich man, but Se-Osiris corrected him – it was the poor man’s death he had to desire. To prove this, he brought his father to the underworld to observe the judgement of souls by the gods. The rich man had been greedy and wicked, acquiring his wealth through evil means, so his soul was devoured Whereas, the poor man had been generous and kind, losing all he had for others, so he was allowed peace. They returned wiser, well, Setna was wiser – Se-Osiris was always simply too brilliant anyway.

MY GOALS: //[/color]
He simply seeks to sate his curiosity about the world, about the Throne, about Akasha, about everything – if his Master somehow benefits from this desire too, then so be it.
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Unknown Scimitar
A high quality scimitar that has no magical properties, but is fine enough to clash with Noble Phantasm weapons without breaking. As the descendant of a Pharaoh, even if he preferred magic and scrolls, he was expected to learn the intricacies of war, combat and chariot riding. Though military tactics and riding are not with him in this incarnation, his skills with the blade are.

Unknown Staff
A symbol that he is the Court Magician of Rameses the Great, it’s more a symbol of office than anything else. Still, it is of high quality and said to be worth the price of a small country.

Array of Scrolls
A scholar at heart, Se-Osiris possesses a plethora of scrolls with ancient magical text. However, he has memorized everything written on them, so it’s pointless really that he still has them. Still, they are among his favourites and carry sentimental value.

NOBLE PHANTASM: // [/color]
Gift of Osiris – Greatest Magus of Egypt and Lands Beyond
Rank: EX
Type: Support
Range: Self
Max Targets: 1

Also known as Se-Osiris Is A Better Magus Than You Ever Will Be Even Though He’s Twelve.
1. Se-Osiris came from the Age of Gods and is capable of magecraft that, in the modern day, could easily be mistaken for True Magic to the uninitiated. However, even among the great Magus of that Age, Se-Osiris was exceptional. Any spell he casts is a Rank higher than what it would be if it were cast by a lesser Magus, with no extra Prana cost. Additionally, his spells are harder to resist and cannot be completely cancelled, even by other Servants. Particularly, the Magic Resistance skill is considered to be one Rank lower when affected by Se-Osiris’ spells. It should be noted that, with a powerful enough spell, he can affect even those with A Rank Magic Resistance, taking into consideration the Rank up in power and the Rank down in Magic Resistance (so, it’d be akin to casting an A Rank spell cast on an individual with C Rank Magic Resistance).

2. A prodigy of magic, Se-Osiris rarely has troubles with insufficient Prana supplies. Simply, he has access to twice the Prana of a regular Caster, uses it more efficiently, and can better draw Mana from the atmosphere as a Caster, converting it to useable Prana faster. This means that, despite not having the Independent Action skill, Se-Osiris is largely self-sufficient of his Master – minus the need for a passport the Contract provides. Unlike other, less honourable, Casters, he doesn’t need to steal souls from civilians.

3. An amazing mage with unimaginable control over prana and the flow of magecraft, he is most well-known for his ability to render his opponent’s magic useless or turn it against the user with greater magic. Through an immaculate understanding of the mechanics of any magic cast, he is able to reverse-engineer all manner of spells, including High-Tharmaturgy, Rituals, Divine Words and Witchcraft. If it is present in Magecraft, if it a Tharmaturgy Theory, modern or ancient – he can change its effect entirely. He can turn giant summons into tiny rodents, he could turn a great darkness into dust, and he can turn a sea of flames back against the caster. He is even able to affect Mystic Eyes or Faces. Se-Osiris is only able to change magic that is actually cast or activated, so if it’s not used, there’s no danger of it being altered. There are, however, things even he cannot touch, things that are beyond him and any mortal for that matter. The most important exceptions are Divine Mysteries – Noble Phantasms. He can do nothing to them. Additionally, he cannot touch the Five True Magics, this means in particular he can’t undo Servants or contracts with Masters, because they are fuelled by the Third Magic of the Holy Grail.

CLASS ABILITIES: //[/color]
Item Construction
The skill to manufacture magical items.
C+: He has spent time learning Medicine and Magic with the greatest Priests of his time, however, due to a difference in medicinal theory between Ancient Egypt and the Modern Age, many of his methods are considered too painful even if they do have the ultimate benefit of healing a person. He can still produce healing potions that are able to heal average wounds, without incident.

Territory Creation
The skill to build a special terrain that increases one’s capabilities as a magus.
A+: Se-Osiris is capable of erecting a manifestation of the Temple of Osiris, a most sacred place where he, as a member of the royal family, had access to – whereas most others did not have such a privilege. In this domain, his power as a Magus is at its highest, while enemy Servants feel greatly weakened. None can enter without him knowing their express location and even then, magical heavy gates bar entry to those without permission. Forcing one’s way in is possible.

SKILLS: //[/color]
High-Speed Divine Words
The power to activate Thaumaturgy without the use of Magic Circuits. The language of the Age of Gods, back when words played a heavy role in spellcasting. As such, it is power long lost by modern magi. Se-Osiris is the gift of a god, who spoke to his mother. His father is the greatest scribe in existence, who read the Book of the god Thoth.
A: Se-Osiris knows the language of the gods, thus even High-Thaumaturgy-level Magecraft can be cast at the speed of Single-Action spells.

Librarian of Stored Knowledge
Processing and storage of knowledge.
A+++: Se-Osiris is a prodigy. This cannot be emphasized enough. He was more learned than professors by the age most people would be starting school. His mind processes, stores and recalls information at an impossible rate, outpacing the super computers of cutting edge technology (Think Memory Partition, but better). He has knowledge of essentially e very myth and legend, the truth behind them and not the lies amassed over time. The real crux, however, is that he can remember perfectly anything he has experienced, even unconsciously. This allows Se-Osiris to quickly be proficient in many things he has read the theory of, even without the muscle memory developed through experience, perfect recall of routine is sufficient for competence. Also, by taking into consideration all that he knows, Se-Osiris is able to calculate a probable future, allowing for accurate, but not perfect, predication of enemy movements, as well as likely conclusions. It is far easier for him to, for example, deduce the identity of another Servant from vague hints, as he can instantly draw upon all related information that could lead him to believe it.

Sojourner
Ability to go to and reach places with ease.
B: A personal skill. Se-Osiris has been known to travel even to the Underworld while he was still alive with ease. At this level, few places are barred to Se-Osiris and transportation to them is made much easier. His short-distance teleportation spells are made easier to use, he can enter other Caster’s workshops or temples with reduced penalty, even things like taking a taxi, he will often get complimented on what a great passenger he is. When he enters restricted areas, security guards are more likely to let him pass for one reason or another. People are more likely to welcome him into their homes for no reason.

Aegis of Faith
A pseudo-supernatural protection that springs from religious faith, protecting the body and mind from harm. However, it is not true protection derived from a divinity.
A: Being the gift of a god, but not descended from one directly, Se-Osiris does not have any Divinity, but still believes in his own gods. His name itself symbolizes the power of a god; Se-Osiris. As such, his body and mind are protected from harmful effects through the power of his faith alone.

STRENGTH: //

[/color] E
ENDURANCE: //[/color] D
AGILITY: //[/color] C
MANA: //[/color] A++
LUCK: //[/color] B
NOBLE PHANTASM: //[/color] EX
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[/color][/b][/color] Akito
FACE CLAIM: //[/color] Khamsin, Shakugan no Shana
OTHER CHARACTERS: //[/color] None
MISC. INFORMATION: //[/color]
- Noble Phantasm is split into three parts, as per the limit of three, although all are covered by the same over-arching them and mythology. His Noble Phantasm manifests in those three specific ways.

- Despite his height and appearance, Se-Osiris matures a few years ahead of boys his age physically. That means, yes, he has already hit puberty. Just putting that out there.

- Se-Osiris’ repertoire of magic is mainly destructive, wielding the elements with ease. He does specialize more acutely on Wind and Earth (Sand). He also has layered himself with a plethora of protective spells, making harming him through conventional attacks harder.

- If he ever faces Rameses II or Setna, it will be difficult for him to fight either of them. A command spell will be needed.[/size][/ul]

[Se-Osiris]

My apologies for the rudeness, but bump?

[Tohsaka Rin]

Mostly powerlevel issues. Because I don't feel like always saying how this effects a board balance or how this is not possible thanks to the official data, it will often sound like a combination of both.

Well to begin it is best to first think a bit deeper into 'Child Prodigy' and comparisons. Most of the legends describe the hero as the greatest, the strongest the wisest, and if we were to follow this everyone would be a Mary Sue. Nasu has with his Gilgamesh the greatest of all already created an upper barrier, and Herakles also serves well as a barrier, the number one in his class.

Now, what to do with a Caster? They are mostly working with wisdom and a good use of the words of the gods, which are often seen as High Speed Divine Words. I might now say that Medea the greatest witch, Merlin the supposedly wisest magus, and Solomon, the one who was said to carry all the knowledge of the World are existing as well (well only the last two are on the board).

If you say that your Caster is a child prodigy and the strongest, it would mean that he is that in comparison to all the others around him, who were not qualified to become a Heroic Spirit, and it is also only said that he had that status in Egypt. The reason I say this is to give you an introduction and understanding as to why I place critic on some parts.

But now to begin for real.

1.) The story could be greater. You need to remember that your story (although it needs to strongly lean on the legend) is the source of your power. You pick your NPs by avering and backing it up with your story. If you for instance were to choose some magic sword and nowhere in the story you see a sword, people will begin to wonder. (Yet, the story only allows some rewrites.) I have read your links, and especially the last paragraph tells a lot, comparatively much longer than the rest of the story, yet it is your shortest paragraph and does not tell much. The overall length is good, but to know about the character's abilities it is too sparce. (Yet this depends on what you want to have as a character)

2.) Unknown Scimitar: The problem here is not the scimitar itself. Carrying one is fine. Using it eventually too. Despite the weapon comparison in FSN (and side products) there were rarely any mentionings of Sword Breaking or Bending, and we try to stay away from this if not for plot reasons, but if you wish to play a shining knight against a Saber, then this will become an issue. For one, overdoing it will anger the others and you can assume that the mod team would not be able to keep up with this OOC going battle and kill the sword off.

More importantly here is that Servants are just copies pushed into a class; abilities, skills, weapons change depending on class. You could say that you only get on skills what the grail wants to give you. In this case you are summoned as a Caster, which means that your Sword Skills, even if they were fine in life, would suffer under this class change. You will be torn to shreds in melee by other classes. Please change that section and keep this in mind.

3.) NP: That one is the biggest problem. You certainly have kept the 3 slots, but we still have the template to have one NP with one Rank, one ability. You can't press different methods into one NP and have it work like it wants. Another overall problem is that you have with this 3 Support NPs, which is certainly quite good for a Caster, but it looks odd. A real problem is the Rank. It definitely would be EX, but although Support Skills are not the mega prana consumers, they are certainly a drain when they are always active and the drain also depends on a Rank. EX would melt you and your master like a snowman during a hot summer day.

a.) Also known as Se-Osiris Is A Better Magus Than You Ever Will Be Even Though He’s Twelve <- can go for all modern magi, but I wonder when facing Solomon. It sounds more funny than serious.

Actively reinforcing your spells is fine, as there were mentioned procedures to do that. Affecting other characters passively in the same way is not. The part about also effecting others worse is already a given by strengthening your spell by a rank.

b.) Casters have in general a good tank, some means to support themselves, but certainly not through normal breathing. There is not even enough mana in the air anymore granted by Akasha, as stated officially. I am fine with seeing passive NPs helping to influence or explaining skills, but he does for one not even have that skill and it does not work out.

There was also nothing in the legend that would fit to this. A child prodigy or some old wise magus? Certainly, the prodigy has reached that state earlier, but it does not mean that the older magus has not gained a higher level at the end through experience. Right now this section reads like 'Infinite Prana'. I can actually only say that it will not be allowed.

c.) The word I need to highlight here is 'unimaginable' because I really can't. First of all it would make all magic in the surrounding impossible, which is in the eyes of the mod team totally overpowered and also not backed up by the Story. Furthermore, spells are stated to be unchangeable, even unstoppable after activation (if not by divine words), manipulating or turning it against the user is not possible.

Modern Thaumathurgy and Ancient Magic also have not too much in common, making one wonder about the

If it is present in Magecraft, if it a Tharmaturgy Theory, modern or ancient Ehe can change its effect entirely.

line. I might also add that spells produce mysteries, or are you really writing that sentence just to make sure that people don't misassume that he could also automatically throw Enuma Elish back?

To sum it up. NP 1 can work after working a bit on it. 2 and 3 can't. They are overpowered, would need their own NP section, have nothing to base them on, and are partly not possible in the Grail War.

Territory Creation: Certainly normal for a Caster, but if you read into it, that is more of a Reality Marble. There was a Caster in Canon (albeit not useable here) who had that skill on a lower level, but also an NP with that function. You currently have a skill, without explaining the 'weakening' + the 'strengthening' part. It reads like a combination of Caster (Nursery/Extra) and Saber (Nero/Extra).

Librarian of Stored Knowledge: Given that I again could not find anything like that and the 'Prodigy' Comment does not really move me, I wonder about all this info, especially when the grail gives some information and he should not be able to know about several myths of legends, because he died before their time. It even includes Eye of the True Mind, and Instinct as a subskill in it. ........

Sojourner: Reduced Penalty is fine, although I assume that some others would like to know more about that. For me right now, I am only confused because of :

When he enters restricted areas, security guards are more likely to let him pass for one reason or another. People are more likely to welcome him into their homes for no reason.

It appears to be total random.

Aegis of Faith: The current explanation has nothing to do with one's faith. There is also no hint about the effect. Protecting harmful effects is not enough. This again is right now an Immune to all skill.

Mana: A++ I know that you based it on your NP, but as much as the NP does not work, this skill will also not work if you don't get lucky enugh to make a contract with an impossible monster. There is also nothing stating in his legend or history which would help him to obtain a great tank, and even if I were to allow the part about good management, it would not increase his total prana. He is a Caster and should have the for a Caster typical stats. He is also in fact a child prodigy, making him not one of the tough guys. Yet, I see no actual problem with the other stats. I will leave the NP stat alone because the NP just does not work at all in its current form, and it is most likely that the end NP stat will be much lower.

The profile will require some efforts, but it is more than possible to get it to work. Good luck.

[Se-Osiris]

1) With that last story, he went to visit the gods in the underworld - validating his religion with what the Egyptians happened to people after death. I wasn't sure how that would fly, you know? As we are under the assumption that our gods aren't real, but are...what was it? Divine Spirits? Or something? I can add that in, but would it be appropriate?

2) Okay. Solomon had a sword. I felt jealous.

3) I'll split it into different sections.

b. What I was aiming for was essentially a Blue Blood, but for a mage of that era. There was no direct reference of it in his legends, there wouldn't be, but it seemed to be enforced that magic came so easily to him. I'll reduce the effects to more tangible levels, will that be okay?

EDIT: Actually, it'd be cool if I could say he had relations to the Barthomeloi family. Creative license!

c. I was told this would be allowed actually. I forget who. But, it's quite a large part of his entire story - he could counter magic. It's in the Sealed Letter. The other mage threw magic after magic at him, he countered them (Read the last few paragraphs of that story - I actually quote some of it in the NP itself).

Someone, I presume a mod, called him a 'Caster killing Caster,".

The Ethiopian waved the sealed roll as if it had been a wand, and pointed to the floor in front of Pharaoh, muttering a great word of power.

At once there reared up a mighty serpent hissing loudly, its forked tongue flickering evilly and its poisoned fangs bared to kill.

Pharaoh cowered back with a cry. But Se-Osiris laughed merrily, and as he raised his hand the giant cobra dwindled into a little white worm which he picked up between his thumb and first finger and cast out of the window.

The Ethiopian uttered a howl of rage and waved his arms, spitting curses mingled with incantations as he did. At once a cloud of darkness descended upon the great hall, as black as midnight in a tomb and as dense as the smoke of burning bodies.

But Se-Osiris laughed again. Then he took the darkness in his hands, crushed it together until it was no bigger than a ball such as children make of the dark clay beside the Nile, and tossed it out of the window.

A third time the Ethiopian waved his arms, and this time he yelled as if the jaws of Apep had already closed upon him. At once a great sheet of fierce flame leapt up from the floor and moved forward as if to consume Pharaoh and all who stood beside him on the royal dais.

But Se-Osiris laughed for the third time. Then he blew upon the sheet of flame, and it drew back and wrapped itself about the Ethiopian. There was one great cry, and then the flame dwindled and went out like a candle when all the wax is burnt away.

Aye, I wanted to be specific that it couldn't target NPs or Magic - but magecraft was fair game. It seems to have a reasonable usage really, since he'd be able to best Masters, which any Servant could, and other Casters, only if they don't use their NPs. For example, he wouldn't be able to affect Solomon's Book of something something.

Territory Creation: My apologies, I based how detailed I am off previous profiles/canon information. None of them really described what their temple did in much information. If you could give me an idea of what's reasonable for that level?

Librarian of Stored Knowledge: xD You need to think with creative license, my friend. It's not always right there in front of you and, to be honest, I like to take a little freedom with it instead of going word for word.

Think about it though, he knew what was in the Sealed Letter before it was even opened - recounting the entire story word for word. He knew the secrets of the gods, and how people would be judged without even having met them (The poor man versus the rich man) - even though his father, the more experienced and older Setna who had read the Book of Thoth did not. This is important because the Book of Thoth supposedly told almost all the world's secrets - to be smarter than a guy who had read that cursed book? Also, he soaked up countless amounts of knowledge before he was 7.

It lead to the conclusion that he had access to unreasonable amounts of information.

EDIT2: Se-Osiris knew the real past of two people who had died in that story about the poor man and the rich man, instead of falling prey to the glamor that followed their passing like Setna. Heroes have died and, in part, the truths behind their legends with them. I rather like this concept.

Sojourner: That was a bit of a joke, heh. He's a cute little kid. You can imagine, right?

Aegis of Faith: Hm, I'm not sure about the requirements of this. He wasn't a religious zealot, not really. He worshiped the Pharaoh like the other Egyptians, who was considered Horus on Earth. He was named after the god of the Underworld, who supposedly he derived from. He could travel to the Underworld and watch the gods in action. He even knew something about how they handled things.

He wasn't fanatical, but being lauded as 'the gift of a god' I reasoned he had some form of Divine intervention helping him, you know? Even if it was faux.

Mana: You guys give me conflicting information. I was told we were ignoring the influence a Master had on a Servant's stats. I'll reduce it to A+, like Solomon's, since his NP is being reduced?

[Tohsaka Rin]

1.) Well, gods lived earlier and had some powers, although the entire concept of life and death conflicting a bit with Akasha. One could only expect that some gods had their own kind of Marble to store the Souls. If you don't wish to add more to the story, then not. Like I said, it is helpful to explain your skills to add more story, and even if you just add some things in the previous paragraphs.

2.) You can keep the sword, just no real (amazing) sword skills, because you are a Caster.

3.) Noted, although some things have to be redone entirely.
b.) I have no problem with Blue Blood in the Royal Sense, but tying him to a Canon Family without any basis is a clear [DENIED], he also already has a good capacity for a servant, and you don't need a Noble Phantasm for that. The problem is, as stated previously, that you would be more of a master/servant hybrid with your current skill/NP. Tuning down is fine, but I like to see the sample before I can just say yes or no.

c.) Countering is complex, but it was done to some extent. Nonetheless, your section is currently a modification, auto-reflect, and total immunity to everything. It goes against Nasu Principles and when I were to include you in a Persona Game, players would hate you for being totally hax. The previous example was only meant to show you how overpowered that NP is.

Territory Creation is basically what Caster did at the Temple, and turning the area into her playground, knowing where people are and having good control over the mana in the area, getting warned about people entering, and having it shielded against the eyes of curious magi. So basically she could make a mana firework inside and no one knew what was going on, but it was not serving as a boost of her powers etc. If you want to have a better Territory that also has a special lock on it, I would be fine with it.

Other abilities only as an RM which would not be likely for Se-Osiris, while Territory Creation serves as an explanation for the RM. (For explanation how it was done in Alice's case.)

It's unwise to think of me as anyone's friend when I do that approval thing, because it is just down to harsh, sometimes cruel business.

Librarian of Stored Knowledge means that a person has stored knowledge. Just by knowing everything that occured in the past, you can't automatically interprete the future. You added lines of a High Level "Eye of the True Mind" into this Skill. It's useful to explain a high amount of knowledge in his spells, explains some of his other skills like a high level Territory Creation, but no more. This is really just an explanation for abilities he has in other sections. You also would need to tell me how he can read about the past of heroes that were born long after his death? That would include that the Book of Toth knew everything about the future.....

Sojourner: If you use it in combination with your Librarian Skill to hack easier into other people's temple, than it is quite fine. If you add something like automatically passing security guards into it, I need to ask about it. Because you pushed it into a skill. Either you explain and rewrite that skill or you exclude that section and add it into the strengths with your earlier given explanation.

Aegis: It would be another skill. People don't necessarily be a Zealot, but it was their Believe that earned them their Protection, and not an outside source, like eventually having Divine Roots.

Mana: Yes, we did it to get rid of some stat conflicts, especially because they did not change too much. If people speak with an RP partner beforehand and have a very weak magus, the servant writer can write a profile with lower stats, but that is not a requirement here. But my previous statement is still accurate.

The outcome is just that you can't reach A++ without a prana monster master, which we don't allow here. Or to say: A+ is the max for Casters if not for very special circumstances. Knowing how to use one's prana does not increase the capacity. Otherwise Aozaki Aoko, who can master her Od, and use by far more prana than her circuits have would have an enormous Mana Rank.

Your main problem is that you put many things and ideas in one skill, which then drifts off and includes parts or info of other skills, that mostly already exist. Too much combining, where it usually takes up an extra slot.

It is certainly a hassle, but I can't just allow a thing like that.

Next time, I hope to see an overhauled profile. It is understandable that people want to clear questions before going on with modifications on their profile, but you can't keep it in its current form, no matter what and how you ask. You should copy it into a text document to keep it as a nice creation and then go on with the modifications to have a board character.

[Se-Osiris]

Sorry, I've no more muse for this character. I've been trying to work some up, but I think it must've died off a few weeks ago. Thanks for your time.

I may still do something in this site when and if my muse returns.

EDIT: Ah, don't take it as a personal affront to you critiquing, it was very fair, if a tad late.