Marko Haas - Master (Ready for Eval)

[Marko Haas]

Marko Haas





"Alright Marko, y-you can do this!"
'....No I can't......'

[/font][/font][/b]: // Marko Haas
NICKNAMES: // 'That weirdo who still plays with dolls,'
AGE: // 21
DATE OF BIRTH: // August 12th
GENDER: // Male
ALIGNMENT: // Neutral Good
OCCUPATION: // Toy-Maker and part-time Puppeteer
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[/font][/b]: // Scrawny and disheveled, Marko Haas is not, by any means, strong in appearance. His hair is barely held together, his clothing hand-me downs from before his time, and his expression almost always one of sadness or fear.

HEIGHT: // 5 "8"
WEIGHT: // 145 lbs
EYE COLOR: // Brown
HAIR COLOR: // Brown
PIERCINGS: // None
TATTOOS: // Cross shaped mark on left side of face. Command seal located on the middle of his right arm.
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: // Aside from the obviously stand-out tattoo, Marko usually has a look of worry or fear plastered across his face.
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[/font][/font][/b]: //

• Cowardly
  
  • Marko had always been a frightful and easily startled person, a problem he has had since his childhood, but years of abuse and persecution by both family and strangers began to slowly worsened his condition, to the point where he nearly had several full on mental breakdowns. He has since improved this problem slightly, and will now no longer be reduced to full on panic attacks whenever he is faced with danger. He will still most likely cry and attempt to flee, but it's the thought that counts.
  
  
• Self Confidence issues
  
  • It's hard to discover your inner strength when everyone calls you weak. This was a fact of life that Marko discovered the hard way, and it has almost always rung true for him. Marko is terrified of being the center of attention, and in times of victory or success, he will usually attempt to give the credit to someone or something beside himself, including his servant, his weapon, and his puppet. The opposite is also true, and it is difficult for Marko to remove or disassociate blame or guilt in failings.
  • 
    
• Skilled Craftsman
  
  • It's impossible for someone to be completely without his good points, and the most apparent of Marko's is without question his skill as a craftsman. His craft is one of the few things Marko is willing to pride himself on, and he is at his most truly happy when he is working. He can, however, sometimes get a little....overzealous, in the discussion of his passion.
  • 
    

• Optimistic of others
•         Marko truly believes that inside, all people have the capacity to be as kind and strong as any true hero. He's always willing to lend a helping hand or put on as how to comfort someone when not cowering or crying in fear. He will also always attempt to see the best in others, even when there is little to find. But Marko is only human, and years of being suspected and put down by others have made him much less tolerant of pessimists and cynics than others. Those who believe that there is little hope in the individual person, those that mock self-admittedly naive ideals like Marko's simply because they do not fit into their personal view of the world, those that believe they are somehow more mature or intelligent simply because they dismiss others, and hide behind these "Facts" like a shield. It is difficult for Marko, but given time to get to know the individual behind such hated ideals, he might warm up to them. Might
  

• 
  
• Inner Strength  
  
•         What you see is almost always what you get with Marko, and his true personality is exactly what you think it is. However, inside, deep inside, at his very core, Marko is a truly strong and courageous person. When in a state of either relative calm, or extreme emotion, Marko is capable of feats of courage or intelligence that for him, would seem impossible otherwise. Just don't expect this sudden bursts of heroism and skill to happen very often, or last more than at most a minute or two.
  

LIKES: //
- Puppets
- Working on his craft (Ex: Making props or puppets, or putting on a show.)
- Kind or helpful people
- Scary movies
- People who appreciate his work
- People willing to try to look past first impressions
DISLIKES: //
- Loud noises
- Unpleasant or rude people
- Cynics or pessimists
- People who jump to conclusions about others
- Scary movies (A love-Hate relationaship)
- Dark places
- Blood
- The Verrotten spell line ("I could never be happy about being a-a human termite!")
- The things he's worked on being mistreated or destroyed without permission
- Etc.
STRENGTHS: // With his family lines unique spell 'Verrotten', a spell line balanced around Rot, and his skills as a craftsman and puppeteer at his disposal, Marko is capable of tricky and hard to predict strategies that can be adapted in surprisingly numerous ways. He is also a decent tactician, and given a small amount of time can usually come up with an at least halfway decent plan of action.

With his skill at creating puppet sized transmuted to life sized props, he can provide both "weapons", and somwhat decent decoys and false items. He is also a good source of entertainment for those who wish to see his puppeteer skills at work, capable of creating spectacle marvels of puppetry in the name of entertainment. Or sometimes just a making a doll that looks like a little child who needs cheering up.

WEAKNESSES: // Marko is a coward by nature, and can be easily startled or frightened into several types of weakness, such as attempting to flee, or crying on the spot. He can also be somewhat...'Overzealous,' when it comes to puppets and his craft as a whole. These traits can make it difficult for others to respect or trust him, and they can easily get the wrong (Correct?) impression that he is either a loser and wimp, or a creepy puppet fanatic.

In terms of combat, Marko's Verrotten spell line is balanced towards indirect support, incapable of doing almost any real direct offense. His spells also require both water and wood to work at full effectivness, so removing either of those makes him far less dangerous. His best weapon, as well as one of his three ways of dealing damage on his own, has a limited ammo supply, so it must be used sparingly as an actual gun.
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[/font][/font][/b] The Haas family of Germany are largely considered by all to be both extremely powerful and disturbing in their corner of the world, and completely pathetic anywhere else. The family was first founded little over 400 years ago in the city of Rubin, Germany, has had at current eight heads, and an average circuit count of 20 with a quality of 10Prc. At first, the Family was content to simply experiment with the potential of water. They experimented for many years, hoping to find something, anything that would bring them into the forefront of the world.  And though for the first 100 or so years of their existence it seemed hopeless, they eventually did find something. During the standard testing of the 'Verrotten' spell they had created, one of the test subjects, wood shipped in from the city of Gesern, was discovered to hold a miraculous property. If Verrotten infected water was introduced to the wood, it would not rot away like any other wood. The Haas posed several theories as to why this was. Had it been enchanted, was it a miracle of nature? These queries were, however, quickly consumed by the revelation that thy had no more of the wood left to test, and that the family heading Gesern had stopped all trading and shipping. They would have to go out, and solve this supply problem. The city of Gesern would have to be theirs.

The Family currently heading Gesern, the Klein, were relatively new, small scale and lacking in power. The Haas moved in slowly over the next 50 years, attempting to use the Klein as puppet leaders, quietly killing off key targets, placing figureheads, and marrying members off to gain footholds. And finally, 150 years into their existence, Gesern was theirs, the Haas firmly looming over the city under the guise of a massive logging operation in a "partnership" with the Klein..

The taste of sweet victory that the Haas felt was soon subsumed by the Greed that had begun the quest for control, a desire that seemingly refused to be sated. They began to issue orders, deforesting anywhere that might hold the Wood they so desperately sought. The supply grew slowly, and the Haas, wishing to do further experiments in the spare moments, began several side projects, such as the biological studies of animals, including humans, and the effect's of extreme fear and paranoia on one's mind. But the spotlight was still on the Wood, for the Haas had discovered that it held an even more amazing property. Due to a strange innate flexibility, if one cast the spell of water animation, created by the Klein, on the infected Wood, one could move and control it within a limited degree, and with further adaption of the animation spell, one could even hear and see what the wood was.

The Haas began searching for ways to better control the Wood, and discovered the art of Puppetry, the moving of the inanimate. Research on this potential way of control began immediately. The Haas became a family of Puppeteers out of necessity, as the skills necessary to use puppets correctly had been proven to successfully translate into the control of the animated Wood. Any future members of the Family were taught from a young age how to be puppeteers, with almost all of them despising the craft.

Finally, it seemed like the Haas had found the true potential they had been searching for, a new contribution that would bring them all fame and glory! That is, until they discovered that the supply had truly dried up, and that they had destroyed and maimed almost all plant life anywhere near Gesern, leaving them with only the limited supply of Wood they had left once more. The citizens of the fine city were less than pleased, and began to constantly find new ways to disrespect and insult the leaders of Gesern. The Haas, however, had already begun to panic, cowering behind the Klein as they searched for a new way to bring the Wood back. And they found it, in a way.

The "Holy Grail" was said to be capable of granting the wish of any who could find it. Learning of this mystical object through any means, reports of rambling old man, old stories, small mentions in history books, the Haas planned to wish away the trouble away, gaining as much Wood as they could ever need. But, they would need a adventurer, someone willing to go in search of the object. They found no one willingly go after The Grail, and, terrified to give any of their own loyal members away to the reported danger of the quest, they decided to look outward.

They forcibly kidnapped Marko, a deserter of the family who had attempted to distance himself after his discovery of the fear experiment he had been a subject in. Marko was branded by his ex-family, and for the next year the Haas forcibly taught Marko all they could about the Grail War, publicly parading him as the next head of the Family Business, and the husband of the Klein's latest daughter, privately threatening both of their lives and the lives of the city if Marko did not cooperate. 

Along with this threat, the Haas planned to curse Marko with a Geis, so that he would be forced to comply with their wishes. The plan fell apart, however, as a month before Marko was planned to be cursed and be sent towards the town of Lucca, he escaped, along with the last remnants of the precious Wood. Now without any plan or fallback, the Haas could only sit and cry as their only means of fulfilling the Greed that had consumed them slipped away.


MY HISTORY: // From his conception, Marko was always misunderstood. The Haas were widely known as lunatics and cowards who were running the city they were technically heading into the ground, a fact which Marko would not personally discover for many years. It was assumed by the general public that Marko himself was just like any other Haas. And to an extent, they were correct. Marko was just as much a coward as any other member of his family, but he was also much more morally upright than the other Haas, and from an early age he would always attempt to be kind and helpful to to others.

This did little to improve his relationship with the citizens of Gersen, who all stood fast in the belief that he was just as much a psycho as the others of his family. Any attempt on Marko's part to do or say anything kind to others outside his family was always met with suspicious glances and whispered theories or insults directed towards him. Inside his family, the situation was much the same.

Marko found himself highly stressed at all times, alleviated only by strange fascination with the Family's required art of Puppetry, the art and creation of puppets. He would research everything he could about puppets and the manner of which they were created. For a short amount of time, Marko's life seemed to be looking up. That is, until his family discovered that Marko had become disinterested with their shared focus. They began to seclude him even more than previously, as he refused to take part in any experiments they proposed, wishing instead focus on his craft.

This seclusion from his family, as well as the public and it's general disdain for Marko and the Haas in general, began to slowly bubble as MArko became a sudden mess, incapable of handling even the slightest moment alone without becoming either depressed or terrified.. His fear and anxiety began to reach an all time high, as the loneliness, terror, and paranoia began to give way to panic attacks which slowly became near full-on breakdowns.

On his Eighteenth birthday, Marko, now completely jittery and terrified, almost completely lost his mind. He narrowly reeled himself back in, however, with the help of Puppetry. For on that faithful night, Marko finally created his first puppet completely on his own. The puppet, a simple wooden knight, seemed to give rise to a strange courage inside of Marko, and with his help, Marko discovered the true reason for his sudden rise in fear. His family had begun to test the effects of fear on the human mind, with him as the latest subject. For the past two years of his life, Marko's family had been drugging him with a special toxin designed to increase fear, daily, all the while recording the results.

Now thoroughly disgusted and horrified by the discovery of his family and their true nature, Marko decided to separate from them, and society at large. He purchased a cabin on the outskirts of the city, and for the next two years of his life began to follow his dream of being a puppeteer. He would create puppets of all kinds, dragons, orcs, demons. He began to train himself in the art of crafting props like small wooden swords and shields. He would put on shows, his face always obscured, that would dazzle the denizens of the city. For the first time in his life, Marko was leading a happy, if somewhat lonely existence.

This would change when the Haas finally destroyed the last remnants of the nature anywhere near Gesern. His "family" began to panic, starting searches for any solution they could to save this sinking ship of theirs. They appeared to have found it with the discovery o the "Holy Grail," a mythical artifact said to grant any wish from the one who could find it. But finding the Grail was apparently a dangerous task, a quest of great peril.

The Haas were unwilling to sacrifice a loyal member of the family, and finding no one willing to go in the quest, they kidnapped Marko. They branded his face with a cross shaped tattoo so that all inj the Family would recognize him and his purpose, as chosen by them, and for the next year of his life trained him in the art of the family magic, as well as all they had learned about the Grail, which was admittedly very little. They publicly paraded him about as the next head of the family, to be wed to the youngest daughter of the Klein, "co-heads" of the city. In private they threatened him, stated that if he tried anything they would kill the both of them and begin executing innocents of the city. Marko was placed under constant supervision.

Though it at first seemed like he would be doomed to follow the wishes of his family, Marko was pushed to his limit by the discovery that his family planned to place him under a curse, taking away his free will. Working up the courage necessary, Marko escaped from the city and his family during a lull in his supervision, brought on by a fight suddenly breaking out with the Klein. He made sure to take the last of his family's precious wood, as well as his Puppetry kit.

Now a fugitive of Gesern, Marko began his quest for the Grail on his own. For in the two years he led free of his family, he had gotten to see the true kindness the people of Gersen could show, and he would do anything to protect that part of them, even face his darkest fears.

MY GOALS: // To free the city of Gesern, and all innocents within it from the control and destruction of my family.
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[/font][/b]: //  A single shot 6-Hagn Action-7-b German Rifle stolen from his family on the night of his escape. Marko is a mediocre shot with his  pilfered rifle, and has limited ammo, so he must make his shots count. On the plus side, the Haas have tinkered with the rifle, adding a functional bayonet as well as reinforcing it's outer frame, making it much more capable of melee combat than others of it's type.

Having translated his prop making skills into a larger scale, Marko can also craft items out of material such as standard wood that can be used as props or weapons more useful for trickery, such as a human sized wooden blade painted to look like a real one. As these "weapons" are made out of everyday materials, they can deal at most light blunt damage.
EQUIPMENT: //
- A moderately sized backpack that carries: 3 sets of rations, 6 16 oz. unopened bottles of water, 2 cases of rifle ammo containing six .308 bullets each.
- A special fold out kit that resembles a briefcase that contains all items necessary to create and maintain his props and puppets, as well as mange   general upkeep on his rifle.
- Three puppets created from special wood, all about the size of a a hand (189 mm), in the shape of a lion, a wolf, and a mouse, with enough extra wood to make four more of their kind if needed. The wood is resistant to damage and highly flame-retardant, but is otherwise harmless aside from the     occasional splinter. Which Marko will never allow on his works if he can help it.
- A refillable canteen of water capable of holding 18 oz.
- The first puppet Marko ever created, a simple wooden knight. He subconsciously associates it with the bravery hidden inside himself, and in times of great stress can use it as a sort of security blanket. Held in a special compartment on his canteen.
RANK: // None. Due to his focus on just being a simple craftsman and puppeteer, he has never been to the Clock Tower.
ELEMENT: // Water
EXPERTISE: //
Verrotten Spell line
The unique spell of the Haas, taught to him by his family during his year long training. A highly infectious and powerful wood plague of sorts, spread via infected water, that rots away any wood it comes into contact with, very quickly breaking it down. Verrotten is mostly indirect in it's function, but it is hard to disable or destroy under normal means, as the subjects it infects become very difficult to burn or destroy, and is very balanced in it's capabilities. It is also capable of destroying a large wooden building in a matter of minutes, and if used properly could potentially tear down an entire forest.  The spell has several extensions that make up it's line.

Craftsmanship
Marko is a skilled craftsman, capable of creating and utilizing puppets, as well as maintaining his stolen rifle. This can be used for simple entertaiment purposes, as he is capable of creating amazing custom puppets, as well as very visually intense shows put on with them. It can also be used more practically, allowing for good control of his Verrotten animated puppets, as well as decently made items that could potentially be used as weapons or decoys. Given enough time and familiarity with another toy or weapon, Marko could most likely apply his skills to it as well.

Water Thaumaturgy
In order for a subject to properly utilize the Verrotten spell line, one must have an at least decent comprehension of the basics of water as well. Marko was taught this skill slowly throughout his childhood, only gaining true mastery of it during his laborious one year training in captivity.

MAGIC CIRCUITS: // 20 circuits with a Prc of 10prc for a total of 200.
SPELLS: //


Lifesblood (Water)
Rank: E
Cost: See Below
Range: -
Effect: A spell that absorbs water molecules in the air to create a more cohesive form to use as raw spell fodder. With enough time and raw matter it is possible to create large bodies of water.

Originally created as a spell for filtration of water and raw material finding, it has recently been found to have the ability to increase its power and efficiency tenfold with merely half the prana that would be required for ten individual spells. If one liter of water would cost two prana, two liters would cost three and so on. The required prana expended thus greatly decreases, making it and incredibly efficient ability while being cheap.

As many water spells require a catalyst in the form of a body of water, it has become an essential ability in guaranteeing the new found offensive capabilities of water magi. It can also be used to purify common water by decomposing the molecules and then reforming them. The spell can also be used to manipulate small bodies of water into various shapes and easily store the production results. A skilled Magus can also decompose already established shapes such as ice and create new water out of it, thus recycling materials nearly endlessly.

Verrotten (Water)
Rank: C
Cost: 16 Pr
Range: Arms-reach to initially cast on water. Verrotten-infected water will go as far as it's initial unsealed contact with any surface, quickly becoming defunct if it does not come into contact with wood within 30 seconds of first freeing it.
Effect: German for 'Rot.'

A spell created by the Haas family in one of their many tests, Verrotten could be thought of as a sort of wood plague. It must be cast on water, infecting it and making it toxic to ingest, and applied onto it's target to take effect, with the infected water quickly becoming defunct and requiring recasting and sealing. Applying this will instantly make both metal and wood extremely damp and difficult to burn. The rot that Verrotten causes can be remove in several ways, including detonation by the caster from Auslyser, removing and filtering it through Reinigen, or by servants. (Ex: Percival's Sword Of The Fisher King.)

Any subject that is composed of wood will begin to slowly rot away when exposed to infected water. This rot will be sped up or slowed down based on the amount of water used, up to a single meter of wood rotting in less that a minute if an entire bottle of infected water is used. Verrotten is, on it's own, mostly harmless without it's trigger spell, but if used properly, it can easily tear down a large wooden building in matter of minutes.

Can also be used to far less effectiveness on metals, which can only be infected by either pure application of infected water, or the detonation of a puppet. Infected Metals will very slowly rust. Verrotten can also not be cast on saltwater, as the salt will quickly break down the produced rot.

A seven line spell.

Verrotten Auslyser (Water)
Rank: C
Cost: 10 Pr
Range: 25 feet max, will detonate Verrotten that has been spread to wood that has not already dissolved. General size of explosion is determined by weight of object detonated (Ex: a log weighing around 30 lbs would make an explosion of around 4 feet, a house of around 300 lbs would make one around 9 feet.)
Effect: German for 'Rot Trigger.'

The trigger spell for Verrotten, this extension will, when cast, create an imbalance inside any active Verotten within distance of spell, forcing it and it's host to explode in a mass of infected water. The amount of rot in the subject that detonates will determine potency of explosion. At maximum rot, detonation will cause light damage to anyone caught in the blast radius. Items that have fully succumbed to rot must be detonated within 40 seconds, or they will dissolve completely. Any non-infected wood surface that comes into contact with the infected water will itself become infected with a diluted version of Verrotten, and begin to rot away at a decreased rate of a single meter of wood rotting away within 10 minutes if the general water contained in a standard bottle is applied.

Metals infected with Verrotten cannot be detonated, and metals that are not infected cannot catch the rot from the explosion caused by normal Verrotten Trigger detonations.

A one line spell

Verrotten Regung (Water)
Rank: C
Cost: 50 Pr
Range: Arms-reach to apply blood and cast spell onto infected wood. Afterwards there is no range limit on the wood movement. Senses are viewed through any Verrotten surface. (Ex: Anyone can see what the object "sees" as long as they look into infected water, but only the caster can control the subject.
Effect: German for 'Rot Movement.'

The most recent extension of the Verrotten spell, and the pride and joy of the Haas. The Haas discovered that by forcing Verrotten infected water onto a special kind of wood and casting this spell onto it, they could contort that wood in specific ways and gain a peak into the "Senses" of the object.

By applying some of his or her own blood and casting this spell on a subject made of the special wood that is infected with Verrotten, the caster can manipulate the water inside the uniquely flexible wood, granting (in the case of Marko) puppets with limited movement capabilities, controlled by the caster. The now animated puppets can act as both scouts and as a sort of a directed bomb, having the capability to be detonated with Verrotten Auslyser, which must be cast to detonate the puppets. The special wood, and by extension the puppets, can not deteriorate, and the explosions they cause are always treated as if they had been fully infected with rot thanks to the enhancements granted by Regung.

Objects are controlled through specific hand motions, much like an a puppet. The caster, as well as any who look into infected water, or are standing near infected wood, will also gain limited senses lifted from the puppet, being capable of seeing through it's "eyes" by looking into infected water, and hearing what it is "hearing" via a speaker like transmission through Verrotten infested objects or walls. Due to the nature of this information processing, a caster can only have one animated item at a time.

Metals caught in the blast of a detonated puppet will be infected, but the rust will be delayed even more than normal. This means that at minimum, a metal surface will need at least two hours before it begins to show the effects of Verrotten. As is usual, infected metal cannot be destroyed by Auslyser.

A ten-count spell.

Verrotten Reinigen (Water)
Rank: C
Cost: 18 Pr
Range: Arm-Reach. Spell must be cast upon contained Infected Water. Water must come into contact with wound or injury to take effect.
Effect: German for 'Rot Purify.'

Among the Haas, Reinigen is full regarded as a failure and a mistake that should have never happened. The spell is focused entirely around healing and assisting others, to the cost of the Rot of Verrotten. Reinigen is, consequently, the only spell in the entire line that Marko does not detest.

The spell is utilized, as with all in the line, via Verrotten. The caster places their hand onto a source of contained Verrotten infected water as they cast the spell. The water is then purified, somewhat, and can no longer be utilized to spread the infection of Verrotten. This now semi-purified water must then be applied psychically to either a wound or an injury of most sorts to take effect.

If less than 20 oz. of semi-purified water is exposed to the subject, this effect is simply a numbing anesthetic. If more than 20 oz. of water are applied then it will also gain a healing effect, capable of quickly mending and closing light to medium wounds created by objects such as knifes at a speed of around four inches every minute. This healing is capable of removing infections in wounds, but not illnesses or supernatural statuses.

The effects of the semi-purified water on a subject are only shown if the target is either a Mundane Human, or a very weak Magus.

A four-line Spell.

[/font][/b]: // Vereweiss
FACE CLAIM: // Jacuzzi Splot from Baccanno!
OTHER CHARACTERS: // None
MISC. INFORMATION: // That weird thing with the bullets just happened, and I can't seem to get rid of it.
- New picture, quote, and spells
- Sudden German to make me look smart and fancy

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[Marko Haas]

Alright, I have heavily scrutinized and edited myself, but I should be ready now.

[Kotomine Kirei]

Well then! Lets get started on your first eval!

1) Your history is a bit… odd: You comment about how the family’s morals degraded but, well, morals are usually ignored by the typical magi families. Murder, experimentation on live subjects, whatever you do, really, so long as its discreet, so long as the masquerade is not threatened, nobody will care or lift a finger. Killings within family are the same – nobody cares. Now, outside, it could be seen as problematic if you kill an heir or something of the sort, then the Enforcers would be sent out. Smear campaigns just seem, I dunno, common, I guess(additionally it would be extremely difficult to acquire respect of magi society through just murder, since they judge you by length of your bloodline quite a bit). I’d just like to understand what they did in relation to Gesern: Did they basically butcher another magi family which were the Second Owners of the Land (assuming Gesern has good leylines, anyway), and just took over? This is probably going to be heavily investigated by Enforcers, depending on how ‘loud’ this takeover was and the procedure.

2) As a whole, the goal of becoming a Second Owner as a goal for an entire bloodline seems… Rather absurd, as it has nothing to do with knowledge, research, and does not lead to the Root… Unless of course they needed to use the land to obtain additional resources for their experiments? Speaking of this, I think we need to determine at what point in time they succeeded in the takeover, and how many years passed since then, because the amount of research done on spells will reflect upon their ranks greatly.

3) Again, their experiments are indeed morally bankrupt to humans, but perfectly normal to magi, so long as they were being done discreetly. If possible, please clarify what you meant by ‘the effects of water’ in the second paragraph of your Family Line since you mention that the Rot spell was invaded later on.

4) “...until they discovered that the citizens of Gesern, no longer willing to allow the rulers of their fine city…” – This part cannot really be worked in, unfortunately. The reason being, it shows the discovery of the experimentation and thus, magic that was being used on people, and leading to a –rebellion-? This is a very grave matter, and at the worst case, the entire city including the Haas would have been purged by the Enforcers to maintain secrecy of magic or Church because they now have an excuse to butcher magi. All in all, this is basically priority 1 red alert type of thing, to be avoided at all times, because that’s the exposure of the magi world.

5) I’d like a bit more detail about how they’ve located the facts about the Grail War since although not completely secret they aren’t exactly common knowledge…

6) “the hero who would damn Gesern” – I’m not sure what you mean there, or how it takes the pressure off them. I have a few ideas, but could you clarify?

7) The public associating the Haas with Marko and how corrupt they are and all that is also a bit odd since if we take out the exposure to magic, then it needs to be explained how the public saw them as corrupt, and why.

8) You have to realize, the fact that you are using spells you yourself created is going to drop their rank very significantly because they’re fresh off the press, not to mention the length of time it takes to develop a spell… But I don’t see why puppetry can’t be worked into the Haas so that can be subverted that way.

9) How large are these puppets you keep mentioning, and what kind of build do they have? Are they reinforced at all? I’m guessing he didn’t use magic to do the puppet shows, just controlled them normally? Since again, exposure.

10) Final thing: I’d just like to point out that if they basically brought him into this by force… what is stopping him from betraying them? If they are as cowardly and ruthless, as well as smart (enough to play politics correctly), then they should have had some sort of a countermeasure for this, some sort of geis place on Marko to ensure he fulfilled their will? Something. That’s all I see, roughly, for your history section, I will not go into spells yet since your revision of history could alter those quite a bit.

[Marko Haas]

Annnd edited.

1)Fixed that up a bit, now it's much less overt. They also aren't originally from the city as whole now.

2)Changed that completely. Now it's all about the wood.

3) Changed that as well due to two.

4) Fixed that as requested. Now the city is annoyed but still mostly obedient.

5) Changed that. Now it's only the Grail itself and a vague warning of danger they know.

6) Removed that.

7) Changed that.

8) Did manage to work that in to Family History, don't know how well.

9) The normal everyday puppets Marko uses are varying in size. If you mean the special ones, than I had previously stated that they are all roughly the size of a hand, though I have now included more exact specifications. and yes, he is just doing average puppet shows with normal puppets and everything.

10) Added to that as requested.

I didn't really touch spells because I though I might as well just let you critic them first.

[Kotomine Kirei]

1) In regards to the miraculous properties of the wood from the forests of Gesern: Basically, the way to justify resistance to rot spells would be a high saturation of prana – powerful leylines that were located around Gesern, essentially. In regards to the wood becoming animated by spell of water animation because of some sort of property it possesses, as well as the whole ‘see and hear what the wood was’… That unfortunately will not work in exactly that way. It is, however, fine to create a puppet out of the wood and animated it with a spell for this, but the property is then attributed to the spell, not the wood – the wood itself could be magically potent and inclined towards being manipulated in experiments, but it having its own ‘properties’ will not really work. What you are describing in the ‘seeing and hearing’ part is basically a simple spell that is used to bind one’s vision to a familiar, so that could be resolved that way.

2) I would like you to specify what the public face of the Haas is in the city – as in, from how you put it, the public is aware that they more or less run the city, so I assume this is done under the cover of a powerful company or some sort of crime family, but I want some sort of specification on that front – because otherwise, how are common citizens who don’t know what mages are why these guys are in charge?

3) Maybe not a huge point, but I’m not sure how making puppets makes you a social outcast, and even more so, how puppet making = ‘vile fascination’. Unless there’s something else involved? I mean it’s just a job. Or a hobby. Or being an artist! Unless of course he was digging up graveyards illegally and carving them from human bones into some extremely vulgar shapes or something of the sort but… Yeah. I just don’t see where the hatred comes from in this case – it looks like you were trying to make him into an outcast but the fact that he likes puppets just isn’t fitting to make someone into a hated outcast.

4) I’d also like to underline that any Land stolen from another family like that without any actual intervention from the Tower probably isn’t super awesome, but then again, the sheer fact that it was entrusted to a family like the Klein probably already speaks for that. I suppose since the transition took so long, the Tower simply did not care. No real changes needed, it’s just an fyi.

5) In regards to your question about history and spells, its simply that the amount of time/method used to study magic will affect how well you are able to cast it, amount of spells, and so on and so forth. That being said… You need to detail what sort of things your puppets can actually do. I know you said they’re small, so, if I had to make assumptions, they aren’t really anything special speed or power wise, and are more like scouts? If that is the case, just be aware that you will be able to control two at the same time, no more – your mind will require concentration in order to do that sort of thing, so going beyond two will just degrade your control and break concentration. Puppets also typically remain under control within line of their controller’s sight, if you go beyond that, they’d need to be familiars… Perhaps that’s an idea?

6) Spells, as a whole: with 1 year worth of education in Rot magic line and however many years of self-study of puppetry… That’s not really going to be a great rank cap on your spells – with a stretch, maybe C rank at the most, in other words, spells you cast, even if they were higher rank(for other family members) would be cast rather ineffectively – heavy costs, long cast time, but reduced power. Now, going into detail, of course, no issue with Lifeblood spell.

7) Verrotten: The Range would not really expand ‘endlessly’, if I am reading this right, since the amount of prana needed to extend it would just keep going up depending on the amount of water you alter. The rot would be removable even by a magus, assuming said magus is actually skilled with Water and takes enough time to purge it but… I do not think anyone will even be trying to detect it so that is fine. Three word – I guess you mean Three Line. As an intended B-rank, I would probably boost it to 7-line. As for the rank, as I mentioned, this will have to be C-rank, at most, with a slightly reduced effectiveness than a B rank would have.

8) Verrotten Auslyser: Needs a rank. Perhaps a low one, since it is simply a trigger spell. Range will need clarification, as if you input it into a piece of wood halfway across the city, you being able to simply click your fingers and blow it up is probably going to cause issues. As far as explosion power and radius goes, it would help if you gave a few approximations based on, say, Weight of infected wood to power of explosion/radius of it. Again, the power here is degraded as it stems from Verrotten. Cast time: I guess you meant One-Line. I am also not entirely certain about this Rot Spread upon explosion thing, but I will leave that for the next mod. Could possibly be combined with the basic Verrotten spell.

9) Verrotten Regung: Gonna have to pump up the cost to at least about 50 since Marko is no expert at this, and because its an A rank. Furthermore, this spell seems to emulate a familiar bond of sorts, which is fine by me, but then it will have to involve your blood. Limit of 2 per control still applies, but I suppose letting them leave your sight is fine, since these don’t really seem to be puppets in the complete sense of the word. Cast time: For an A Rank which isn’t really an A rank, this wont really work… With the length of time it has been studied, it is probably along the lines of a ten-count.

10) Verrotten Reinigen/Heilen: This is two spells, so would need to be separated. Application of the anesthetic to a Servant will really do nothing, and likely the same for a Magus(unless extremely weak) due to prana cycling and innate resistances. Mundanes would be affected, however. You should also specify how quickly the wounds close. Rank of Heilen, again, requires lowering, and the duration is, I suppose, three-line.

11) Figure I just mention this: your skills with a rifle will be nearly zero, since a magus can usually only devout themselves to one thing or another, and you made no mention of any skills with guns. Magi hatred for technology aside, as you seem to be a magi who hates magi, you just won’t be a good shot with it, is all.

12) Final note: You said he escaped with all the wood that remained of the Haas supply, but did not list it under equipment… unless that wood is actually his puppets?

[Marko Haas]

Edited once again.

1)That's more the product of poor wording than anything. The senses thing comes from the spell, the movement comes from the spell, the explosion buff comes from the spell.

2)Added to that.

3)That line was actually supposed to be edited out, guessed I missed it. Changed.

Skipping four since it was an FYI more than a request.

5) I've got some questions about this at the bottom of this post.

6)General cost and rank change, as well as cast time and duration.

7)The range thing was also something I planned on fixing but never actually did. It's fixed now, but the wording might be a bit awkward. Also changed removal requirements to be super lenient.

8)Added rank. Clarified spell distance and detonation variation.

9)Moved cost up. The plan is for Marko to use only one puppet at a time do to the way the "Senses" are processed. Also boosted line count and spell requirements.

10)Separated these and fixed it to mostly being useful on mundanes, as well as general speed of healing being explained.

11)Yeah i didn't really think about actually ever being good with the rifle. Marko would mostly use it as an unwieldy cudgel thing.

12) This is actually listed under my(cluttered)equipment, but he has acquired three pre-carved puppets and the material to make a few more if needed.

So I've reread it a few times, and 1, 5, and 9 on your list seem to have a few conflicting details about whether or not I should make the puppets familiars. I did make them more like Familiars, but if I should go all the way please tell me.

[Kotomine Kirei]

1) You seem to have 6 spells now, and we only allow 5 slots. However, Verrotten and Verrotten Auslyser could be combined into the same spell, possibly. You would need to scale the ranking though – for example, detonating a large mass of rotten wood would require a longer chant than a small one. Other rank restrictions would apply, but it could work.

2) You should probably remove the “by casting this spell on the now purified liquid….Supernatural statuses” text from Reinigen since Heilen does that now. Makes it a bit clearer.

3) Your question: Honestly, its your choice. It depends what you really want to do with them that would dictate if they are puppets or familiars, but from how you worded it and the properties you had for them, it seemed like they are closer to familiars. If that is what you want, that is fine. Familiars are much simpler to handle regardless. In regards to everything else, I don’t see any more conflicts or issues. The thing about ‘limit to 2’ was in regards to puppets because they work slightly different.

But yes, that’s all for your eval. My next post should be my approval, then it’s on to round 2!

[Marko Haas]

1- Alright, so I have fused two spells to go within the limit, as requested. I honestly just could not find a solution to the fusion you suggested, and I am really hoping I haven't just gone in a circle with my own proposed fusion.

2- Fixed.

[Kotomine Kirei]

You seem to have fused the wrong 2 spells than I asked you to but... It seems like the wording has been altered to the point where it works as one spell so, looks good to me.

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