Saladin (Servant Rider)

Stupid Caster....

Well.. what do we have here? Finally a servant from the Orient.

First of all. The Alignment seems a bit off. It is rare for me to bother with Alignments, but are you sure that he is with all his chivalry and lawful actions not actually Lawful Good? That's just a question though. You can leave it if you are really sure about it.

It might not be too important either, but when you use "Arabic Beauty", what do you mean by that? It's supposed to be a distinguished feature, and I am not really sure what I should make out of it. Just because he is not Caucasian in Italy, does not really make him easy to identify. I would require an answer to that question.

The character traits are often not really sounding like personality traits, rather than random facts, and some are to a big extent just a continuation of the other. I am not sure if you have some problems with it, but you could also try to write one personality paragraph instead of splitting it up if it gives you trouble.

My people - My life - My soul[/b] for example is not really a personality trait, rather than an example to explain a trait... which I can't find here.

About the weapons. Servants used normal weapons that have become a part of their legend, and phantasms. Conceptional Weapons are a different kind. Please remove the word Conceptional. The armor has too many abilities, or you just stated it too ambitiously. I can certainly accept it as an armor like most Sabers wear, but you won't receive any magical benefits, except you make it into a Noble Phantasm Skill (Passive or Active)



You use an active NP to power up another active NP. Not only are NPs not supposed to be active like that at the same time in this manner, it also operates too different from the next NP to make it plausible. The NP is allowed, although sounding at the first read through more ambitious than it is (fortunately), but you need to remove the power up of your sword.

About the rank changing sword. The Rank does not only define the attack strength, but also how high the prana consumption is. I am not sure how well the sword can register or detect evil and alignment during the swing, but I will allow it as long as the others have no problem with it. I can't say that someone being forced and troubled turning True Evil is really fair though. But nonetheless, the only real problem here is that you can't combine it with Jihad.

Freedom to Slaves - The mercy of east knight
Denied. First of all, a servant and a master are not master and slave, even if some might think about that. Second, any servant would try to deal with their master before remaining prana/and helpless. Releasing a servant is a big rule break and not an act of mercy in the grail war. Furthermore, while Medea's Rule Breaker still required a direct hit, your skill seems to be automatic, without any chance to avoid. There are too many parts about this, including the big technical aspect to allow it.

Riding A is a bit high, considering he did not ride any Demonic or Holy Beasts. B should be more appropriate.

It's possible that Field of Detection might end up getting lowered by other Moderators, as it is more suitable for Casters, but you lowered it to B, which I can live with. (Would prefer C, but not too important.)

The stats are fine, and I see no problem if you would raise one of them, either.

Despite the long list of comments, the only real problem is your third Noble Phantasm. The rest are only minor issues. I think I can approve it in the next step.

Well, one final question though. Is "fallow" only a typo or some characteristic kind of speech for Saladin?

Changes applied :

Alignment changed

Arabic Beauty more precisely described

Additional text to traits - now it also posses parts of Saladin simply describing himself

Weapons - corrected

Erased the possibility of connecting two NPs

Titled Freeing NP as denied

Riding A to B and Field of Detection from B to C (you said not important, but perhaps If you feel concerned about it, other would too and I don't mind dropping the skill a bit if it will make everyone happy)

Depends on two factors I believe - servant willingness and amount of sin accumulated in him. If he did something good like saved the whole city, then I can assume some evil servants could be redeemed in eyes of saladin and saladin's NP. Nevertheless, the most important thing is what servant represents with himself - be it evil in group of good or good in group of evil - meaning that if servants despite his actions shows disregard for human life or his actions are anything but noble, then justification for NP power exists.

FINAL NP

Chain of Slavery (yeah, I still stubbornly keep on that - it felt for me like it was rather important act of Saladin)

Whenever someone is cursed, hexed or charmed, Saladin is capable of conjuring a spiritual chain coming from the person and breaking it with his sword. The attack can work on many magical curses or on curses that hero posses from the moment he was summoned. In theory it should also cure Berserker of "Insanity" yet the effect would be short as grail would simply reinstate the curse again on such servant. It could also break command spells that go against enemy servants "ideology". Magical effects that actually help servant/magus and are not considered by them as curse cannot be manifested as chain.

The power allows Saladin to remove also any inflicted cursed wounds that were done to enemy, giving opportunity for Saladin to have a fair and honourable fight.

Saladin cannot use this noble phantasm on himself. Only Magical Resistance A may stop Saladin Noble Phantasm.

Just to prevent any issues with weapon and armor durability, I ask if your sword and armor are up to a fight against a Noble Phantasm weapon, since a normal weapon could easily get destroyed in the clash against a NP, thus the question since you don't mention that. You clearly state that the knife is not for combat purposes but the sword and armor need this extra information.

Rin took care of the rest but just to let you know, a striked section means a uncounted section, so it's just the same as if you didn't had a third NP.

Also, please put up an avatar that matches your character appearance.